The soft sand, the gentle crashing sound of the waves, the warm sun: A trip to the beach always sounds like a good idea, but if you bring your children with you, dont count on fitting in much relaxation.
Between fighting with the 900 collapsible rods in the beach tent, fulfilling nonstop snack requests and fishing sand out of places you didnt even know sand could go, you may need a day off to recover from your day at the beach.
Here, the funny parents of X (formerly Twitter) describe in painfully accurate detail what its like to parent at the oceans edge.
I'm trying to force 3 kids to get ready to go the beach which they \"HATE AND DONT WANT TO DO,\" so that in four hours I can tear them away from the beach which they \"LOVE AND NEVER WANT TO LEAVE TO GO HOME TO OUR STUPID HOUSE!\"
Parenting us fun.
I'm trying to force 3 kids to get ready to go the beach which they "HATE AND DONT WANT TO DO," so that in four hours I can tear them away from the beach which they "LOVE AND NEVER WANT TO LEAVE TO GO HOME TO OUR STUPID HOUSE!"
The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) July 23, 2019
Parenting us fun.
Finally made it to the beach! Now just 17 quick trips back to the car to grab floaties, towels, an umbrella, the cooler...
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Now just 17 quick trips back to the car to grab floaties, towels, an umbrella, the cooler...
Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 25, 2021
The only thing worse than listening to your kids whining at the beach is listening to their friend whine at the beach.
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Marissa (@michimama75) August 19, 2022
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As I buried my child in the sand at the beach, I realized I have matured so much as a parent but not enough to not give them sand-boobs.
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Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 24, 2019
So glad I took my 5yo to the beach so he could tell me it's too sandy.
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My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) August 26, 2022
Its dad law that if you encounter a group of children building a sand castle at the beach, you have to ask them if they have the appropriate permits.
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NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 14, 2022
Advertisement
I enjoy long walks on the beach digging my toes in the sand, as I carry my child (beach chairs, popup tent, cooler) mid-tantrum over a dropped ice cream cone & salt water in her eyes while she kicks, filling my backseat with enough sand to create our own private beach. #summer
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Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) July 30, 2019
Saw a parenting hack that said to bring a laundry basket to the beach to put towels in to shake out the sand. What parent can possibly carry one more thing to the beach with kids? They may as well have suggested bringing a portable washing machine.
Saw a parenting hack that said to bring a laundry basket to the beach to put towels in to shake out the sand. What parent can possibly carry one more thing to the beach with kids? They may as well have suggested bringing a portable washing machine.
Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) May 17, 2023
Vacation, Day 2:
Celebrate finding a great parking spot at the beach. Car is unloaded, umbrella is up, everyone is slathered in spf 50. Just settling into my comfy beach chair w/ beer in hand ahh its gonna be a great d. Daddy I gotta go poopoo.
Vacation, Day 2:
Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 25, 2021
Celebrate finding a great parking spot at the beach. Car is unloaded, umbrella is up, everyone is slathered in spf 50. Just settling into my comfy beach chair w/ beer in hand ahh its gonna be a great d. Daddy I gotta go poopoo.
That awkward moment when you finally get to the beach with your kids and you realize that after getting them all ready and carrying all that stuff you're ready to go home.
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Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 16, 2022
Advertisement
Kid 1: *crying bc sunscreen is in his eye*
Kid 2: *crying bc she has sand in her hair*
Kid 3: *crying bc flies are biting her*
Me: Alright, kids, I think its time we leave the beach.
Also kids: ALREADY?!?
Kid 1: *crying bc sunscreen is in his eye*
Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 1, 2019
Kid 2: *crying bc she has sand in her hair*
Kid 3: *crying bc flies are biting her*
Me: Alright, kids, I think its time we leave the beach.
Also kids: ALREADY?!?
Almost beach time! Can anyone recommend a good book to lay open face down in the sand while I adjust children's goggle straps for four hours?
The Dad (@thedad) May 23, 2019","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"The Dad","author_url":"https://twitter.com/thedad","cache_age":86400,"description":"Almost beach time! Can anyone recommend a good book to lay open face down in the sand while I adjust children's goggle straps for four hours? 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Can anyone recommend a good book to lay open face down in the sand while I adjust children's goggle straps for four hours?
The Dad (@thedad) May 23, 2019
8yo: Did you know there are 7 quintillion 500 quadrillion grains of sand on the Earth?
11yo: Not counting the grains of sand that fell off your butt after we went to the beach.
Word.
8yo: Did you know there are 7 quintillion 500 quadrillion grains of sand on the Earth?
krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 23, 2021
11yo: Not counting the grains of sand that fell off your butt after we went to the beach.
Word.
Teenager, Im bored, theres nothing to do here.
Me *spends entire paycheck on a trip to the beach*
Teenager, Im bored, theres nothing to do here.
Me *hurls self into ocean*
Teenager, Im bored, theres nothing to do here.
Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) March 29, 2018
Me *spends entire paycheck on a trip to the beach*
Teenager, Im bored, theres nothing to do here.
Me *hurls self into ocean*
Advertisement
Husband: \"I wonder if we should try and take the kids on a beach trip this summer?\"
Me: \"Ok, close your eyes.\"
H: *closes eyes*
Me: *turns on both kid's sound machines to \"waves\" and proceeds to scream, cry, throw things at him and shove sand down his pants.*
Husband: "I wonder if we should try and take the kids on a beach trip this summer?"
Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) March 4, 2019
Me: "Ok, close your eyes."
H: *closes eyes*
Me: *turns on both kid's sound machines to "waves" and proceeds to scream, cry, throw things at him and shove sand down his pants.*
I AM GOING TO BUILD SOMETHING THAT STARTS WITH S! YOU WILL NEVER GUESS IT! my 4yo, at the beach
Courtney Ellis (@courtneyellis) July 6, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Courtney Ellis ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/courtneyellis","cache_age":86400,"description":"I AM GOING TO BUILD SOMETHING THAT STARTS WITH S! YOU WILL NEVER GUESS IT! my 4yo, at the beach Courtney Ellis (@courtneyellis) July 6, 2023\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Courtney Ellis on Twitter / 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YOU WILL NEVER GUESS IT! my 4yo, at the beach
Courtney Ellis (@courtneyellis) July 6, 2023
Packing for a 4 days beach trip for me, my husband, a preschooler and a baby and it legit took me 3.5 hours. I think I moved out of my college dorm faster than this tbh
Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 5, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Lucy Huber","author_url":"https://twitter.com/clhubes","cache_age":86400,"description":"Packing for a 4 days beach trip for me, my husband, a preschooler and a baby and it legit took me 3.5 hours. I think I moved out of my college dorm faster than this tbh Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 5, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Lucy Huber on Twitter / 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I think I moved out of my college dorm faster than this tbh
Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 5, 2024
Any house is a beach house once my kids dust the sand off their swimming costumes
Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 14, 2022","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Vinod Chhaproo","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Chhapiness","cache_age":86400,"description":"Any house is a beach house once my kids dust the sand off their swimming costumes Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 14, 2022\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Vinod Chhaproo on Twitter / 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Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 14, 2022
Advertisement
Lets get married and have kids so instead of relaxing on the beach you can keep sand out of their mouth while I blow up a raft and they ask if there is a pool.
Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 18, 2019","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Simon Holland","author_url":"https://twitter.com/simoncholland","cache_age":86400,"description":"Lets get married and have kids so instead of relaxing on the beach you can keep sand out of their mouth while I blow up a raft and they ask if there is a pool. 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Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 18, 2019
Me as a mom of one infant: Oh My God, wouldnt it be SO adorable if we went to the beach?
Me as a mom of two infants and one 3 YO: Oh My God, wouldnt it be SO stupid if we went to the beach?
Me as a mom of one infant: Oh My God, wouldnt it be SO adorable if we went to the beach?
The Mom at Law (@TheMomAtLaw) July 14, 2018
Me as a mom of two infants and one 3 YO: Oh My God, wouldnt it be SO stupid if we went to the beach?
Friend: You should get family pictures of you guys on the beach!
*What I hear*
Take my feral children to the beach for family pictures so I can listen to my kids cry bc 1 ate sand and 4 wants to poke a dead jellyfish. Then my husband and I water down our drinks with our tears.
Friend: You should get family pictures of you guys on the beach!
Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) April 17, 2019
*What I hear*
Take my feral children to the beach for family pictures so I can listen to my kids cry bc 1 ate sand and 4 wants to poke a dead jellyfish. Then my husband and I water down our drinks with our tears.
I took the kids to the beach today and let me tell you, it aged me terribly
Gerry McBride (@GerryMcBride) July 29, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Gerry McBride","author_url":"https://twitter.com/GerryMcBride","cache_age":86400,"description":"I took the kids to the beach today and let me tell you, it aged me terribly Gerry McBride (@GerryMcBride) July 29, 2021\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Gerry McBride on Twitter / 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Gerry McBride (@GerryMcBride) July 29, 2021
Advertisement
7: (at the beach) I dont like my feet to be all sandy, Mom.
@itssherifield (@itssherifield) December 24, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"@itssherifield","author_url":"https://twitter.com/itssherifield","cache_age":86400,"description":"7: (at the beach) I dont like my feet to be all sandy, Mom. @itssherifield (@itssherifield) December 24, 2021\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"@itssherifield on Twitter / 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@itssherifield (@itssherifield) December 24, 2021
My teenager wore jeans and a black T-shirt to the beach.
Thats it thats, the tweet.
My teenager wore jeans and a black T-shirt to the beach.
Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) May 28, 2022
Thats it thats, the tweet.
Take your kids to the beach so they can say things like \"I don't want to touch water\", \"where are the good snacks\" and \"is this sand in my penis\"
Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) June 26, 2022","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Doc McMuffins","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Cynical_Parent","cache_age":86400,"description":"Take your kids to the beach so they can say things like \"I don't want to touch water\", \"where are the good snacks\" and \"is this sand in my penis\" Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) June 26, 2022\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Doc McMuffins on Twitter / 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Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) June 26, 2022
Ode to the Beach:
Sand sand, lots of fun
Sun and surf for everyone
Sand sand, dig it up
With a shovel, with a cup
Sand sand, near and far
In the backseat of my car
Sand sand, everywhere
In my crack and in my hair
Ode to the Beach:
Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) July 28, 2019
Sand sand, lots of fun
Sun and surf for everyone
Sand sand, dig it up
With a shovel, with a cup
Sand sand, near and far
In the backseat of my car
Sand sand, everywhere
In my crack and in my hair
Advertisement
You dont realize how stereotypically mom youve become until you realize how much youre willing to pay for a shaded spot on the beach.
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The Mom at Law (@TheMomAtLaw) September 25, 2018
Beach vacations are awesome if youre looking for a more scenic backdrop for your toddlers tantrums.
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Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) July 12, 2018
5yo: Is this the beach with the COLD water?
Me: Its the same ocean no matter where we go, bud.
5: pic.twitter.com/PKFxsB9zUv
5yo: Is this the beach with the COLD water?
Courtney Ellis (@courtneyellis) October 2, 2021
Me: Its the same ocean no matter where we go, bud.
5: pic.twitter.com/PKFxsB9zUv
Let's go to the beach so the seagulls can steal the kids' sandwiches while we yell at the kids to wash sandy hands so they can eat- oops...
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Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 20, 2017
Advertisement
Im taking my kids to the beach tomorrow and theres already sand in my purse.
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Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 4, 2021
7% of divorces are caused by a husband clipping his nails while a wife gets everything ready for family day at the beach.
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You may ask yourself, Was the 1 1/2 hr prep time, the 2 hr round trip, the hr of schlepping the wagon full of our bags for the beach, the splash pad & the park really worth the 30 minutes of uninterrupted sun time I got while husband played with the toddler? The answer is YES.
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The answer is YES.
Marissa (@michimama75) August 26, 2018
My 7yo told us she loves everything about our beach vacation except for the beach.
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Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) July 4, 2023
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Vacations are great if you want to hear your kids complain about the same things they always complain about, but near a beach.
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The Dad (@thedad) June 2, 2023
Spent 10 minutes at the beach and came home with a lifetime supply of sand to remember it by.
krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 25, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"krista pacion","author_url":"https://twitter.com/kristabellerina","cache_age":86400,"description":"Spent 10 minutes at the beach and came home with a lifetime supply of sand to remember it by. krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 25, 2023\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"krista pacion on Twitter / 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krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 25, 2023
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