HOW TO HANDLE A BITCOIN-CRAZED RELATIVE: NEW YEAR'S ADVICE

HOW TO HANDLE A BITCOIN-CRAZED RELATIVE: NEW YEARS ADVICE

By Brendan Lemon

You asked if Id care to invest

In Bitcoin, this new currency

Our lives would be dazzlingly blessed

With yields from this crypto mon-ey

With excellent odds for success

This asset and its steady rise

Had such sterling prospects you guessed

Despite its intangible guise

No bank would ensure against loss

Of money pledged should value fall

Was it merely bright online dross

Not gold with a worth backed by all?

Youd not steer me ill, so you said

No cause for fear, full grounds for hope

No need to go into the red

If I declined, Id be a dope

But I recalled some ages back

You scoffed at the potential trouble

Derivatives: we took a crack

Have you now forgotten that bubble?

Why turn down the dazzling allure

Youd press on with this latest scheme

Your tech friends were bound to assure

Wed strike it rich: fulfill a dream

Lets hazard the risk, go all in

And, after all, whats a few thou

When offered a real chance to win

Cmon, you said, cough up right now

You sensed that I might be perplexed

You knew that big risk I abhorred

Unfazed, you sent me one more text:

While you dither, bro, prices soar.

Two years have flown since that exchange

Youve bought a house, added some land

You ping me from your driving range:

The price has now hit eighteen grand

You put in and made several mil

You tell me and peal forth a laugh

Your riches still give you a thrill

Your earnings have flown off the graph

You ask if Id like a fat loan

Youve got so much bright currency

I almost drop my Android phone

Amused by your offer to me

Dont worry, I say, Ill survive

I doubt that Im going to fall flat

In fact, I am starting to thrive

Oh, really, you say, why is that?

When you splashed out for your big fix

My money was not badly spent

I bought ample shares of Net-flix

This year, its up fifty percent!

And unlike the fruit of your deal

Secured nowhere on Gods green earth

My stock shares are treated as real

And Bitcoin: whats its true net worth?

So Happiest New Year, old sport

Id like us to have a golf game

I promise to lend you support

When currency goes up in flame!