Is Exhaustion Ruining Your Life?

I know a woman whos first thought when invited somewhere is, how can I get through that without falling asleep? This was not because she was afraid she would be bored, but because she was genuinely tired all the time.

Our lives are busy and as we age our ability to recharge dwindles. Remember all-nighters in high-school or college? Or staying out until 3 or 4 am with buddies and still having to function the next day? Somehow we made it through that, had fun (generally), and got through our days and weeks in a productive fashion. But, if you are one of the many adults for whom even an occasional late night now throws you off for days, you are not alone.

So what is this constant state of exhaustion doing to us and our relationships? In some cases it could be causing damage that is hard to repair.

Relationships are built on give and take. We do things for our partners, we work together, engage in things they enjoy and they engage in things we enjoy. But what if your partner is too tired to do anything at all outside of the very basic day-to-day tasks?

What Does Exhaustion Really Look Like?

Well the obvious answer is that it looks like someone who is tired and needs to go to bed. But exhaustion isnt always the same thing as being sleepy. Sometimes it is a feeling of being physically depleted and mentally incapable of handling more than the fundamentals. There are times that even the fundamentals, like showering, might seem like too much effort.

It can also look like a lack of motivation and initiative. When someone is too tired to take on more than the daily routine, they are not likely to look for new ways to be productive or fun. So, day hikes, museum trips and dinner parties are not likely to be on their list of things to do or organize.

Why is This Happening?

There are both practical and physical reasons that people can find themselves feeling exhausted. As mentioned earlier, life can get busy, busier than we often would anticipate.

So for the person who is waking at 5 am, handling kids, drop-offs, work, shopping, kids again, and everything else in between, there is a natural correlation between life and tired. And, that is not a comprehensive list. Lifes stressors like money, work or school projects, and unexpected household issues can compound what already feels like too much.

There are other physical reasons that people may find themselves feeling more wiped-out than usual too. For both men and women there are hormonal changes that occur at different stages that take their toll. As hormone levels rise and fall a persons energy level naturally shifts. A lower threshold for feeling tired is normal, but when you add in all of the additional responsibilities and expectations, flat out exhaustion can be almost unavoidable.

Understanding the many factors that can contribute to that exhausted feeling is crucial. There can be medical reasons, like depression, that are the root of the problem. If you feel that you or your partner is inordinately tired given daily expectations, it would be worth a trip to the doctor to explore other possible causes.

Exhaustion and Relationships

When bathing seems like a chore, or one of you routinely goes to bed right after dinner, there is not likely to be much effort being put into your relationship. As a consequence it is quite possible that you will drift apart.

Occasional early bedtimes or a need for a day of downtime are not the problem. It is the constant feeling that there is nothing left in you to give. Relationships are give and take. If you are too tired to give anything, half the formula is missing.

Drifting apart, even feeling like you are falling out of love , happens for a variety of reasons. But when it is caused because one of you does not have the energy to stay awake to talk or be otherwise engaged that drift can be on the fast track.

This is not just the case in romantic relationships. Relationships with children and friends often suffer as well. The woman mentioned at the start of this article would routinely turn down social invitations because she was just too tired to go. And when she was there she was too tired to engage in a meaningful way. Because of this her husband started attending parties without her and her children stopped expecting her at school functions.

Can You Help?

So what do you do when you or your partner seems to be overwhelmingly tired all the time? Talk. Let your partner know you are concerned. Then think about evaluating the day-to-day.

• Are they/you overloaded?
• Are there areas that can be scaled back?
• Are there people in the family that should be carrying more weight?
• Are they/you fostering unhealthy habits that could be draining (smoking, eating poorly, no sleep)?

If all these seem in check, consider consulting a medical or mental health professional for further evaluation.

We are all tired at different times. In a world where there is an unspoken expectation to handle everything and keep moving, it is not unusual to find yourself exhausted. It should not, however, become an accepted way of life. You are not likely to find joy in many areas of life if you are too tired to be a part of them.

You can read more advice from Dr. Kurt at Guy Stuff Counseling , Facebook , Google+ , or Twitter