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Posted: 2022-12-01T10:45:28Z | Updated: 2022-12-01T10:45:28Z

It happens to every parent at some point: Were stressed from constantly juggling priorities, and our kid does that thing again. The one that gets on our last nerve. The one weve repeatedly asked them not to do.

We explode, hurling accusations: Why do you keep... Ive told you a million times... But almost as soon as the words leave our lips, we regret them.

Were supposed to be modeling the kind of behavior we want to see in our kids, and we want to remain authority figures in their lives. How do we admit that we messed up without undermining these roles?

By showing our kids how to take ownership of our actions, including our mistakes, and how to give an authentic apology, we are modeling important skills for our children. Our kids seeing us at our best and worst allows us to connect with them authentically.

Repair strengthens relationships, Sarah Bren , a family psychologist in New York, told HuffPost.

We have to look at it as a gift in a way. If we never lost it, if we never messed up, if we never had a fight with someone that were in a relationship with thatd be a pretty flat, superficial relationship, she said.

For help with figuring out how to turn a low moment into an opportunity for growth and reflection, we spoke with psychologists and gathered tips on how to talk to your kid when you know that youve messed up.

First, take a breath, and show yourself a little compassion.

It might seem like a good idea to launch into your apology right away, but first, take a moment to check in with yourself.

Reset and take a breath, Ann-Louise Lockhart , a pediatric psychologist practicing in Texas, told HuffPost.

Our reaction or overreaction is because our nervous system has been triggered in some way. And the trigger is not our kids fault, said Lockhart.

Because the kid can act the exact same way another day when your needs are being met, and youre rested, and youre not hungry, and you havent just got back from a trip, and then you dont react that way.

Lockhart suggests taking a breath or two to calm your nervous system.

For a lot of parents, usually, its an overreaction that we need to apologize for, said Cindy Graham , a psychologist who works with kids, teens and adults in Maryland.

Before addressing your child, Bren explained, theres a little bit of self-work we have to do first.

A lot of times, if we have to repair, either we did something that were really not feeling good about, and were perhaps beating ourselves up, or were really mad at someone else for doing something. And probably both, Bren continued.

You cant really repair unless you can kind of find that physical place of compassion, self-compassion and compassion for another, she added.

She suggests that before you speak to your child, you remind yourself: Im not a bad parent. Im a human being who loses my cool sometimes. And nothing cant be fixed.