Marriage Showed Me How To Be Just Good Enough

No ones expecting everything to be perfect, he says. Leaning on the counter, he shrugs his shoulders, a familiar symbol of his personality. He eats a handful of candy, unperturbed.

Im ready to scream. Look around, I reply. Everythings a disaster. The family arrives in two hours. It needs to be perfect.

As I take my own advice, peering around our home, I only see problems. The carpet needs scrubbed because our mastiff stamped muddy paw prints on the once-clean carpet. The dessert table needs re-organized for easier access. We need to tackle the tower of dishes, arrange decorations, and align the chairs. Lists of tasks need to be completed... and perfected.

Relax, my husband says. Its fine. No ones going to notice the things youre panicking about.

And I know hes right. My obsessive worrying over details wont make our decking of the halls happier. A straightened hand towel in the bathroom or a perfectly arranged dessert table wont put the merry in our holiday.

So, snatching a candy from him, I breathe deeply and do the one thing Ive struggled with my whole lifeI accept the fact nothing has to be perfect.

Opposites Attract

From the time we met in junior high art class, my husband and I have been exact opposites.

Im the uptight one, embarrassingly so. Im the girl who sat in the front row and panicked if she didnt get a 100% on every test. Im the girl who carefully plotted out her entire life from the age of twelve, making sure every aspect within my controland sometimes not in my controlwas meticulously arranged. I worried constantly about grades, the future, and every interaction I had with everyone.

My husband, on the other hand, was the free spirit. He celebrated a 70% on a test. He worried about tomorrow... well, tomorrow, if then. Good enough wasnt only a part of his vocabularyit was his life motto.

I was the stress to his relaxation, the planning to his flexibility, and the worry to his carefree tendencies.

Even at twelve, it seemed like we were too different to ever function as friends let alone as a unit. But I guess thats the funny thing about loveit doesnt always seem to make rational sense.

So, long story short, the perfectionist fell in love with the go-with-the-flow guy, we got engaged, we got married, and we found our very different selves melding our lives together.

Overcoming Perfectionism

Lets be clearIm not claiming to be perfect. In fact, as any perfectionist understands, it is the lack of perfection that is the driving force behind my often obsessive actions. The mere understanding that perfection is unattainable is anxiety-inciting.

Lets also be clear in the fact that perfectionist tendencies arent always a bad thing. Through my life, my desire to achieve perfection has allowed me to reach many of my lofty goals, to create a life path for myself that Im happy with, and to chase after challenges. It has created a tenacity in me that is a part of who I am. I never want to completely lose that.

Nonetheless, at twenty-nine, Ive come to realize that the perfectionist lifestyle isnt practical. Life is unpredictable and quite stressful. Its much harder than I couldve ever realized.

Ive learned that by focusing on perfection, Ive set myself up for disappointment in not only myself, but life in general. The stress of trying to master all areas of life exhausts one to a debilitating level. Ive shed many tears and sprouted quite a few premature gray hairs in my desire for the unobtainable.

Most importantly, as I age, Ive come to realize perfectionist tendencies prevent us from appreciating the fundamental beauties of life because Im always focused on whats wrong instead of whats right.

The Marriage Cure

Marrying a man who is decidedly and intentionally an anti-perfectionist has, in many ways, toned down my rampant perfectionism.

And Im so thankful for it.

His flexibility and good enough attitude has rubbed off on me by default. His life perspective has helped me realize a perfectly clean house for a party does not equate to a better party. Ive learned that small failures arent the end of the world, and that there truly is always a silver lining. Ive come to understand that accumulating successes isnt the only thing life is aboutits about laughing, having fun, and finding a sense of peace with what is.

Its not just during the holidays, either, that he helps me overcome my obsessive nature. Last year at this time, I received some hateful mail over a typo in one of my published articles. As a perfectionist, I was outragedat myself. I spent hours agonizing and beating myself up. How could I miss that? How could I let that typo slip? I was traveling down the perfectionist spiral.

He saved me from my own head and reminded me of something Ive struggled to acceptIm human, which means mistakes are okay. He helped me see that sometimes you just have to accept that it is what it is and move on.

In many ways, our marriage has brought about a balancing act. As much as hes helped cure my extreme perfectionism, Ive reminded him that some things are worth worrying about. Hes learned that tenaciously attacking challenges can drive you toward your dreams.

Life is always about balance. Its about finding a sense of peace with what actually is and what you want. It will never be perfect, and neither will we.

Still, Ive come to realize that the whole, cheesy opposites attract thing... well, its real, and Im glad for that. Most of all, my marriage has shown me that sometimes just good enough is, in fact, good enough.

Lindsay Detwiler is a published contemporary romance author with Hot Tree Publishing. Learn more about her works by visiting www.lindsaydetwiler.com.