My #MeToo Moment, Now What?

Since I shared my #MeToo story with Washington Post about what happened to me at TED and followed up here on HuffPost, I have been threatened by a former TED executive, repeatedly told that I was brave, approached by Washington Post about a follow up piece, and contacted by many others who also experienced harassment and assault while either working for or attending TED. I was also contacted by TED's CEO and told that the man who harassed me would be returning to work at TED (I assume that has already happened).

Part of me wants to move past this. Part of me wants TED to make a public announcement about its plans to address harassment and those that are guilty. Part of me wants the TED executive team to take full responsibility. Part of me wants the director that repeatedly harassed me (and others) to be fired. Part of me wishes that everyone understood the difference between a joke and graphic, unwanted sexual harassment. Part of me is afraid that we're trending towards a puritanical society. Part of me wishes that I had never shared my story. But, alas.

I can almost sympathize with the countless women who deal with this on a daily basis in micro ways, because of ongoing harassment (for instance, in the workplace), and macro ways, because it is the pressing story of the time. But I am not a woman. And until TED, I had never been sexually harassed or assaulted. I didnt understand what was happening, and now I wish there was a bigger conversation about LGBTQ people experiencing same-sex or queer-to-queer harassment.

I also wish that there were easier ways to cope. Personally, my self-worth is not diminished and I dont have a complex about older gay men as a result of what happened to me. But, it makes me very sad that people I love and respect are pretending like nothing happened. It makes me wonder if people still post silly gifs on Harvey Weinsteins Facebook wall. Do people still joke around with Kevin Spacey? I suppose they do, and I suppose I have to be okay with that. It still hurts, and I still dont like when I see people being friendly to the person that harassed me. I want the people I love to be offended by what took place at TED and I want them to demand TED take positive, public action. Is this just another thing that "they" will get away with?

I have no idea what the perpetrators are going through. Part of me doesn't care, but part of me hopes they are seeking help, rehabilitating, and working hard to get better. Maybe the man that sexually harassed me is doing that. Maybe other perpetrators are doing the same thing. And if so, what do we do with that information? Where does forgiveness fit into the #MeToo movement?

Ive heard it said that mistakes are always forgivable if one freely admits hes made them. Too often, perpetrators do not admit their mistakes. Also, sexual harassment or assault is not a mistake, is it? The man that harassed me has yet to apologize despite my efforts to start a conversation. So, I dont know what to do other than get angry and stand against sexual misconduct.

That said, I dont want recklessness. For a brief moment on Instagram, there was an account created by an unknown individual (one that never responded to my messages). The account, which co-opted my story, was called TEDxReeves. It posted screenshots of news stories and social media posts related to TEDs involvement in the #MeToo movement. Many of the posts used my words. I dont know who started the account, but it seems to have disappeared. Its for the better - it was reckless and didnt help me or anyone involved.

There are better ways to help, in my opinion. To that end, I signed up for the Women's March . I will march with solidarity, and I will march knowing that so many women have endured too much for far too long. I am marching because #MeToo, because I am angry, because I believe we can make a good, lasting difference. I am marching because I think Donald Trump is a misogynistic monster that should be removed from office and because I love and respect women.

I don't want anyone to ever have to say #MeToo ever again. Not at TED or at FOX NEWS, not at a church or in a home. I want 2018 to see the end of sexual harassment and assault, and thats what I will continue fighting for.