One Of The Hardest Parts Of Life With Food Allergies

Not long ago, I was asked what the hardest part of life with food allergies was. The below answer was written months ago just before a challenging appointment.

The most obvious challenge for a food allergy parent is the overwhelming fear that something could happen to your precious child.  It’s crippling and keeps you up at night, often.  It means constant monitoring of foods, of social situations and label reading.  It means planning, pre planning and pre-pre planning for even the smallest of outings or situations.

With years of this under your belt, the panic eases as you have become proficient at the monitoring.  You are more agile at things like meal planning and label reading as a result, and with more successful experiences under your belt, the anxiety is further alleviated.  Fears tend to surface when new situations present themselves but when you feel more capable to deal with them, they are sooner abated.

... these blood tests leave me raw, scarred and windless.

There is, however, one exception to this.  One situation always eats at me no matter how often we do it. Because they happen only once or twice a year, I never get to a place of calm at their occurrence: The regular rounds of blood testing.

This may seem like the most simple process to some. It really is just a 5- or 10-minute ordeal. It was only until I started to answer the question about the hardest part of food allergies that I started to really understand WHY these blood tests leave me raw, scarred and windless.

The night leading up to them, I never sleep. I know what a traumatic experience this means for my son.  It started when he was only 1.5 years old and is always grueling.  Imagine trying to sit a 2-year old down when they know what is coming (a needle!) and then holding them there for minutes while they collect vile after vile of your poor screaming, writhing child.  The look in his eyes as he pleads “please no, please no” lingers with me for days and I never quite forget it.

It’s so hard to explain to him why he must do this for his safety on top of why he can’t eat what everyone else is, why he can’t have that cake at the party or go to that restaurant that everyone is talking about. It’s just that icing on the cake (bad pun) that makes this food allergy situation a total bitch.

Still, as absolutely grueling as this painful process is at the time, it’s done relatively quick. The more grueling portion of these blood tests is the waiting after.  The hope, endless praying that this time the tests will come back differently that despite the odds, my child will outgrow his deadly food allergies.  Each round of tests I let a tiny window of hope in that we might be the few percent that outgrow our tree nut allergies (peanuts is estimated 10 percent), that we might be able to live carefree again and pop into an ice cream shop along the way once again.  Each time I am disheartened.  Each time the reality sinks in that this may be forever.

It’s limbo. It’s hope mixed with fear and bracing your family for the possibility that you might not be celebrating after.

So with each round of blood tests, I hold my breath from the nights leading up when I know a scary experience is coming for my son to the week after the tests are done when we will hear the results from our allergist.

I am writing this the day before we see our allergist to discuss what this round of blood tests has to show us. When in maintain mode, it’s almost as if we’ve accepted what food allergies means to us. When it’s the week of blood tests and checkups with the allergist, it’s limbo. It’s hope mixed with fear and bracing your family for the possibility that you might not be celebrating after.

Embracing this truth of what has become for me the hardest part of food allergies has helped me to realize that that sliver of hope can sometimes mean pain. I think the majority of the time, we tend to close the windows and block out those hopes so that we can maintain day to day. Disappointment, let down, fear all of this comes sometimes as the result of feeling hope, in praying for what may better be.

And yet, it never fails- I let the hope in and I pray for different results each and every time…

If you would like to support the 15 million Americans affected by food allergies, please consider donating or joining us in the FARE Food Allergy Research & Education walk. For more information, see our team page at the link below:

http://www.foodallergywalk.org/la2016/top8freeeats