Fell asleep with my breast pump on and I think I'm in a different dimension now

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When you accidentally turn the breast pump on full power ...

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Whoever said they've never cried over spilled milk has obviously never spilled 8ozs of breastmilk they just finished pumping.

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The 2yo just tried to play my breast pump like a trumpet. Also, I scored more pics for the Photos To Show My Daughter's Future Dates album.

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I've got a hand breast pump and a riding crop in my bag. TSA should be fun!

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When I stored wife's breast pump away I accidentally included tips from a cake-icing gun. The next baby is gonna get some cool-shaped milk!

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Was just treated to a fireworks show courtesy of my breast pump.

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just spray tanned around my breast pump outline. the logistical challenges of a healthy beach glow while boobing are incredible

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My 4yo son lovingly refers to my wife's breast pump as \"the boobiesuckerthing.\" He's also called my chest, \"boobies.\" This can't end well.

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I remember the only time in my life I felt like I was getting an unhealthy dependence on booze was when i was trying to pump for my second baby (never got more than half an oz) and the only way I could make myself do it was drinking a massive glass of white wine while pumping.

Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) November 13, 2018","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Nicole Cliffe","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Nicole_Cliffe","cache_age":86400,"description":"I remember the only time in my life I felt like I was getting an unhealthy dependence on booze was when i was trying to pump for my second baby (never got more than half an oz) and the only way I could make myself do it was drinking a massive glass of white wine while pumping. 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Hiding in a closet pumping twice a day is GETTING PRETTY OLD. Also, accidentally licking breast milk off my iPhone screen.

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Another cute thing I tell my kids is that when it snows, Mother Nature is cleaning out her breast pump.

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Remember when you used to use the breast pump and sing Madonna's \"Express Yourself\"? Hahaha! Oh, wait we didn't do that either.

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I have a meeting in another building in 3 minutes but if you think I am turning this pump off while the milk is flowing, you're nuts.

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Pumping. So that you and your kids can both cry over spilled milk. #breastfeeding #momproblems

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my bffs breast pump keeps saying TACO pic.twitter.com/bMXvDaigf6

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I cant even describe how angry and jealous I am that people like Hannah get to have breast-pump backpacks. I had my child in the Stone Age!

Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) April 17, 2017","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Emily Nussbaum","author_url":"https://twitter.com/emilynussbaum","cache_age":86400,"description":"I cant even describe how angry and jealous I am that people like Hannah get to have breast-pump backpacks. I had my child in the Stone Age! 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Just cried while throwing out my old breast pump with the milk stains still in the tubing. The pump that made those funky noises, was a pain to use and clean, and helped me nourish my two babies now almost 4 and 7. Parenthood is complicated.

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I bet a 14-year-old boy thinks a breast pump is something much cooler than what it actually is.

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My wife posted items to sell online but left my contact info so right now I'm having a lovely conversation about a breast pump.

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Drywall guy: Hi there.
Me: Ignore the baby playing with the shattered remains of a breast pump. Now, let's patch some holes.

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It's time to pump milk again. Can I get paid to pump? Or at least receive a free smoothie with every five bottles I fill?

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Well I successfully got unhooked from pump, consolidated milk, put in fridge and got to the bathroom before puking. Gold star?

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