When Emel, 34, consumed cannabis for the first time, it wasnt at a house party with a cloud of smoke drifting up and onward, or any other clichd scene that programs like D.A.R.E. used to warn her about nor was it this great act of rebellion or dissent by an angsty American teen.

It was 2009, and Emel, who omitted her last name to avoid drug-use stigma at her job, was at a backyard barbecue hosted by a college friends family, whose Mexican heritage meant that their East Los Angeles home swelled with mariachi music and the chatter of aunties and uncles. The homemade brownies were perched alongside the rest of the food on the table, she recalls, readily available for the adults. Emel felt safe enough at the party to know that shed be taken care of in case something happened so she tried some.

The thing I remember most is how peppery the brownie tasted, she says. It took an hour for the high to really hit. It was really subtle. It wasnt scary or anything like that it was really pleasant. It was in that moment that I was, like, Oh, this isnt that bad.

But it wasnt just the taste of the brownie that had surprised her. Nothing else happened. The earth didnt open up and swallow me in hell because I had an edible.

Emel grew up in Pakistan, then immigrated with her family to Los Angeles in 2003 when she was 15. Her traditional parents moral compass included reductive binaries that made ethics almost too simple: Dont smoke, dont drink and dont dress provocatively. To do any of these things would make you bad. I dont think Im a bad person I think Im a really good person, she says. But that battle will always be in the back of my mind because thats how stigma boils it down.

Many cultures condemn cannabis, but theres something uniquely bitter about the battle thats been waged against the substance by the South Asian community. As misguided as this is, many (especially older) members cling to their model minority status, and consuming weed is, well, not model minority behavior.

This judgment of cannabis use manifests in harmful rhetoric thats internalized by people like Emel who consume with caution and intention. Its not uncommon for brown people to hide their cannabis usage from the watchful and discerning eye of the cultural community they live in, which sometimes views users of the plant as lazy stoners, even though the myth has been thoroughly debunked .

Yet it was always log kya kahenge what will people think in Hindi a catchphrase that our parents have thought out loud when we veered away from what they deem the safest and most honorable behavior.