Ladies bear with me I haven't slept enough this week but if we hide all the guns in our vaginas, Congress will HAVE to regulate them!!!

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What idiot called it Beauty and the Beast and not Saved by the Belle? pic.twitter.com/r1UIgfxqIj

Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 5, 2017","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Abbi Crutchfield","author_url":"https://twitter.com/curlycomedy","cache_age":86400,"description":"What idiot called it Beauty and the Beast and not Saved by the Belle? pic.twitter.com/r1UIgfxqIj— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 5, 2017\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Abbi Crutchfield on 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The year is 2017. OJ Simpson is free, Tony Romo is an oracle, and Kim Kardashian is smarter than the president. pic.twitter.com/yYdmy5bBJ5

shauna (@goldengateblond) October 1, 2017","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"shauna","author_url":"https://twitter.com/goldengateblond","cache_age":86400,"description":"The year is 2017. 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\"I'd like to buy a gun\"
\"Here ya go!\"

\"I'd like to buy a Claritin.\"
\"Ok, I need your name, photo ID, signature, fingerprint, lock of hair,

Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 4, 2017","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Jess Dweck","author_url":"https://twitter.com/TheDweck","cache_age":86400,"description":""I'd like to buy a gun""Here ya go!""I'd like to buy a Claritin.""Ok, I need your name, photo ID, signature, fingerprint, lock of hair,— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 4, 2017\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Jess Dweck on 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I need 70 cocktails 40 xanax, sex, a spa, a massage, medical marijuana, a bath, an IV, a manicure, a cupcake and a hug

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At this point, no matter what movie Liam Neeson is in, I worry one of his family members will be kidnapped

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i'm sorry, but one of my small joys in life is calling it Rick & Marty.

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[in Obama voice] let me be perfectly clear: we all used AIM to have cybersex and thats about it

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[Cam Newton voice]
It's funny to hear a male politician talk about uteruses like, it's funny.

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Should I download Bumble? Everyone keep recommending it to me. Caveat: I hate men.

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what if we tell the GOP that birth control is like a tiny little gun that protects our uterus

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its a well-known fact that any man who was alive during the 60s is physiologically incapable of *not* asking women to watch him shower

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y'all i ran out of paper towels today and I swear, for a brief moment, I wished Trump would show up and toss a roll into the kitchen.

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Im dying. My mom bought this book for my 6 year old and I just called to ask if she had actually opened the book. She hadnt. pic.twitter.com/inYCEaZKpV

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My friend who doesn't use Twitter just asked \"What do you mean 'drag him'?\" and I have never longed for my own past in quite this way.

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HBO doc night. Beware of Slendernan. Slenderman??? creepypasta??? *puts Luna back in uterus*

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honestly wtf is an acai

Ghoulia Bush (@jabush) October 5, 2017","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Ghoulia Bush","author_url":"https://twitter.com/jabush","cache_age":86400,"description":"honestly wtf is an acai— Ghoulia Bush (@jabush) October 5, 2017\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Ghoulia Bush on 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me, when I'm sliding into your man's DMs pic.twitter.com/VKncG60OwM

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It's been a hard week. In search of ice cream.

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i'm no expert on vicious reanimated lumps of clay but i feel like not attacking women can definitely be an overnight process pic.twitter.com/3oYhB0Y0ku

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