As the last votes are cast in the 2020 presidential election , theres no doubt that family debates about politics have reached a fever pitch. (Unless, of course, youre all politically like-minded in which case, lucky you.)

This election cycle is one of most divisive weve seen in recent history, with a highly polarizing president running for reelection, a viral pandemic wreaking havoc across the country, and ongoing protests against police brutality all in play.

But even before the Black Lives Matters protests and COVID-19 broke out, the chasm between highly partisan family members was growing. In 2019, 35% of Republicans and 45% of Democrats said they would be unhappy if their child married someone from the opposing political party a sharp uptick from attitudes on the same subject 50 years ago.

Now more than ever, Americans are subscribing to a kind of political tribalism, sticking close to those who think like them and sneering at those who dont.

But what about your actual tribe your family? How are you supposed to stay civil and above the fray when you cant believe theyre voting for that guy?

To help you get through the election results without becoming estranged, we asked marriage and family therapists what they do when a family member draws them into a political argument. Heres what they said.

I try not to match snark with snark.

At one recent family gathering, marriage and family therapist Sean Davis and his wife were the lone Californians in the room. Seemingly out of nowhere, Davis said a family member went for the jugular, asking the couple, How do you guys feel about the fact that everybody else in the country thinks Californians are stupid?

I had to process the ignorance of such a blanket statement, but my wife handled it deftly, said Davis, whos also a professor at Alliant International University . She told him, Californians dont think about the rest of the country and left it at that.

Her mic drop moment admittedly felt great, he said, and did defuse the situation while maintaining their dignity, but matching snark with snark has rarely worked outside of that situation, he said.

Davis said he usually prefers to be clear and direct about what he believes and why when talking politics. To that end, he uses nonconfrontational I statements.

I use phrases such as, As I see it, To me, I see it differently he explained. I make sure to validate: I let the other person know I heard her even if I disagree with what they said.

That conversational trick has helped him avoid intense arguments with his sister, whom he describes as a Fox News -watching, Rush Limbaugh-loving conservative. (Davis himself is a centrist.)

Even just saying, I understand you see it that way. I see it this way ... can shape the conversation for the better, he said.

Davis also tries to remind himself that he and his sister have had very different adult life experiences; had he lived her life, he may have the same political ideologies.

Basically, I try to focus on understanding the life experiences that have led her to her beliefs more than the beliefs themselves, then I share my life experiences that have led me to my beliefs, he said. Its been much easier for me to have compassion and understanding when focusing on understanding her context rather than arguing her beliefs. The latter gets you nowhere and always damages the relationship.