Try to name another Miss America besides Vanessa Williams. You can't. Who even won this year? I'm not kidding; I actually watched and I don't know the name of the person who won. I mean, I could definitely Google it, but without Googling it, all I know is that Vanessa Williams was there. And that one of the gowns had a crop top.

What is even the point of the Miss America competition in 2015? Don't say scholarships. John Oliver proved that isn't true . Even if it was, making women wear bikinis to win money for college is only slightly less barbaric than if it was just a sandwich-making pageant judged by Hugh Hefner's penis.