They say that when you find the one, youll suddenly realize why all those that came before it didnt work out. They say because when you find the right fit, it just, works, no forcing, no compromising, no negotiation. Existence without resistance.

Thats true for love anyway, in my experience. Thats exactly how it worked for me. But what if it is a job? What if it is a purpose? What if it is the thing that you make your lifes work?

Right. About that. . .

Here I am 35, three or ten career changes past the one I picked when I was six years old, and I still dont know what the hell I want to be when I grow up. I mean I do, kinda, but Im totally not doing it, yet.

Ive been a teacher, grades kindergarten all the way through college. Ive been a school administrator, an entrepreneur, a freelance writer and consultant, a business partner, a yoga teacher, a marketer and a sales manager.

Ive run social media, managed Public Relations, volunteered on boards, committees, projects and initiatives. Ive single parented and Ive co-parented. Ive fundraised, Ive organized, Ive traveled, Ive stayed.

Ive had more income than I had bills to pay, and Ive had quite the opposite. Ive had as few as one job at a time and as many as five. All this, and Im still five years out from 40.

So how could I not know by now, right? I mean, its been a hot minute since I graduated from college, and based on the sheer length of the previous paragraph you can tell Im a bit, um, seasoned.

Bottom line: Ive played a few rounds of Career Blackjack. And you know what I keep drawing?

The Nope card.

Like, again, and again, and again. Not this. Or that. Also not this. Im still looking for the one. THE one. The thing that will make all the other things make sense. The thing thats gonna grab my wandering feet by the ankles and say sit your ass down.

Its gonna happen. I can feel it.

Maybe it will be the thing that lets me put my time and energy into my passion projects because its so fun, and so rewarding, and so creative, that at the end of the day I still have more to give, and so I do.

Maybe it will be a passion project that becomes a job. Maybe Ill finally build something, write something, say something, and do a thing that sticks, and that matters. Maybe Ill stop letting the fear of not having a paycheck man my control station. And at the same time, maybe Ill stop letting my stubborn desire to do something epic win the fight with logic using stalling tactics.

Maybe this time Ill build the right house, on the right location, with the right tools, and for the right reasons, and the house will stand and I will still want to live in it. Or maybe I wont.

There are a million ways I can figure it out, books, tools, coaches, online learning, more experiences. . . And while I do that, my big question isnt actually what, its

WHY?

Im going through my own resume, and Im looking for patterns, trends, and threads. Its not about what Ive done, but why I did it. What was the desired impact, result, or rationale? Did it work?Why?

If I can get to the why, I can get to the what.

See where Im going here? Its about values more than it is about the work. So, what do I value, and why?

As I learn and reflect, again and some more, Im choosing to respond from a centered and calm place. Strategy. The next move I make is important. I have enough data. I have enough experiences. I have enough information, and I am willing.

So I move forward, holding tightly with an open hand. And you know what? I cant wait.