Think about how disagreements with your partner usually go. If they often leave you feeling defensive, talking in circles, saying things you regret or shutting down , then you might be dealing with emotional flooding.

Emotional flooding is the psychological and physiological overwhelm people experience during conflict . According to marriage researcher John Gottman , who has studied emotional flooding, when youre in this state, its almost impossible to have a productive conversation .

Flooding occurs when the nervous system detects a threat to safety and signals the adrenal glands to release the stress-related hormones, adrenaline and cortisol, Chicago therapist Casey Tanner , founder of the queer-affirming practice The Expansive Group , told HuffPost. This surge of hormones activates the bodys fight-or-flight response, leaving you feeling emotionally flooded.

Whereas early humans experienced more physical threats, such as by predators or weather conditions, threats to safety today are far more often emotional than physical, Tanner, who uses she and they pronouns, said.

A disagreement with your partner that doesnt pose a risk to your physical safety can still be perceived as an emotional threat and trigger the same flooding response, Tanner explained.

Feeling rejected, abandoned, criticized or unsupported are all threats to emotional and relational safety, especially if these experiences bring up past traumas, they added.

In a flooded state, your heart rate exceeds 100 beats per minute . You might start to sweat, maybe your face turns red, your hands get shaky or your chest feels tight. You find yourself unable to listen effectively or think clearly.

Emotional flooding doesnt always look the same from the outside, though. Some people slip into fight mode, lashing out verbally and delivering low blows. Others go into flight mode, becoming silent or withdrawn, and they may look for a way to exit the conversation.

When youre flooded, the body is dedicating most of its energy to protecting you, so theres less energy devoted to anything thats not related to survival like rational thought, Tanner said.

This is why people who are experiencing emotional flooding may feel like they cant think clearly or are more likely to make impulsive decisions, she said.

Why Emotional Flooding Is Bad For Relationships