When Nice Things Happen to Not-Nice People

I think of myself as a very nice person.

But a few days ago, I got a challenge to my niceness.

Something very nice happened to someone I dislike.

And I found myself irritated. Bitter even.

Certainly not nice.

Of course nice things happen to people who don't deserve it.

And who is a better judge of who deserves it than me?

Well, maybe not me.

So I had to confront the fact that by not being happy when nice things happen to certain people, I may - a tiny bit - actually want bad things to happen to certain people.

That does not make me such a nice person.

I thought about this for quite a long time. At least 35 minutes. Maybe 40.

Because the truth is, it doesn't take that long to find mistakes in your thinking - as long as you open yourself up to that remote - very remote - possibility that perhaps you sometimes make mistakes in your thinking.

The fault in my reasoning was this:

I was thinking of happiness as if it were a pizza.

Yes, Pizza can be Happiness.

But the analogy is flawed. Happiness is not like pizza. With pizza, if you take a slice, that means less for me.

But if you find some Happiness, it did not come from my pie.

Happiness is more like Gooseneck Loosestrife.

When I first started gardening. I planted Gooseneck Loosestrife. I read that it was pretty and it was hardy. And was it ever.

If I give some Gooseneck Loosestrife to everyone I know, I would still have more Gooseneck Loosestrife than I originally planted.

You could come over at midnight and take all of it out of the garden bed. And the next morning I would have more of it than you took.

And Happiness is just like that.

Gooseneck Loosestrife - under the ground - is all connected. The plants send out runners and more runners, and that's why there's so much of it.

And Happiness is just like that.

It is all connected.

So I return to that person - the person I dislike who just experienced a nice thing.

If that nice thing makes this person feel better, then perhaps she will not be so mean. Because she is happy. And Happiness proliferates just like Gooseneck Loosestrife.

And if this person is happier, I might like her more. This person was someone I disliked. But now she is someone I like.

So I'm going to save some time and just cut out that middle step - the part where I resent the nice thing that happened to not-nice person.

I'll just go right to the part where I like that something nice happened for her. Because she's happier, and just like Gooseneck Loosestrife, she's sending out multitudes of runners and giving me some happiness too.

Read more from Nancy on her blog Not Quite Old .