How to Help Your Kids Understand Age-Appropriate Content

It used to be parents could be gatekeepers and just try to prevent their children from seeing content they found unacceptable, whether because of violence, language, nudity, or cultural sensitivities. This is becoming more difficult, though—tablets and video-on-demand services like Netflix mean kids have readier access to far more stuff than ever before. It also means, despite the best ‘age-appropriate’ controls, it’s easier for a youngster to accidentally stumble on a game or show not meant for them.

By explaining to your kids what content is right for your family (and why), you equip them with the tools to make decisions about whether they should be playing that app or watching that video without you hovering over their shoulder. This quest to make kids media-aware isn’t always easy, though. For example, it has been tricky explaining to our five-year-old daughter why we’re not always thrilled with the princess books and movies she wants to watch.

This decision to talk ‘with,’ rather than ‘at,’ your kids is critical.

Other than that, she knows what we consider acceptable content for her. In fact, sensitive soul that she is, her personal rating system is even more stringent than ours—she doesn’t like any app or show with the least bit of conflict. Games with cartoon violence overwhelm her with empathy, and cartoons with relatively benign bullies garner requests to turn it off.

She’s still young, so it’s usually pretty easy for us to steer her away from things we know will upset her. We’ve told her it’s OK if she doesn’t want to watch something, and we’ve already seen her walk out of a room when the cute-kid-movie got too intense for her taste.

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It can be trickier when the child is a little older, especially if the content you find problematic is something they enjoy. Whether it is repeating bad words out of context or getting too hyper after certain games, it’s still important to talk things through.

“We’ve made our son aware of our distaste for certain language when it comes to YouTube videos, and he understands,” says Salena, a Toronto-area mother of an eight-year-old. “His iPad has parental controls set for age-appropriate gaming, but words we feel are inappropriate do sneak through. He has let me know about things he has heard, but it is often the tone and the spirit of what is said. He’s been able to decipher right from wrong on his own.”

“We also learned very quickly age-appropriate games were the one of the keys to shaping our son’s behaviour. He did ask to play some older games with lots of shooting and bombs, but we quickly learned they influenced his behaviour negatively,” Salena continues. “We worked with him to remove these games from use—we explained why we felt it was not appropriate for someone his age and he understood.”

Of course, what’s scary for one child is exciting for another. It becomes a matter of knowing your kid, and how he or she reacts to seeing or playing something.

This decision to talk ‘with,’ rather than ‘at,’ your kids is critical, agrees Jen, an Ottawa mother of a six-year-old.

“We explain things in kid language when we can, and teach him about what makes him uncomfortable. If he is exposed to or asks us about something, we discuss it,” she says. “When he asks something, we answer.”

“He is very good now at telling us when something bothers him,” she says. “Last night, he was watching Spider-Man with his dad. When it was the final battle scene, he spoke up and said he wanted to skip it because it was too scary.”

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Of course, what’s scary for one child is exciting for another; a ‘shooting’ app might make some little ones aggressive and keep others calm (while improving their hand-eye co-ordination). It becomes a matter of knowing your kid, and how he or she reacts to seeing or playing something.

Randi, a mother of a nine-year-old, says she and her husband have always been strongly anti-censorship; they find no connection between the make-believe violence their son sometimes sees on a screen and how he acts in real life.

“It was how I was raised—my parents never told me I couldn’t watch something,” she explains. “Now, my son’s grown up with Dr. Who all around him; he’s into horror and sci-fi and fantasy, and I think that’s a good thing. It encourages imagination.”

Though his videogames and viewing tastes may be a little darker than other kids, Randi’s son is still aware of his personal comfort levels. For example, any violence or sadness involving animals can be a trigger. If she knows a movie will have, say, a dog’s death in it, Randi warns him up-front—usually, he’ll no longer want to watch. Her son also understands he has freer rein than a lot of his friends, so when they come over, the games and shows have to be a little more traditional.

“We’re always careful to enforce other parents’ rules when their children are in our house, and if they’re not allowed to watch a type of movie, we respect that,” says Randi. “Honestly, some of my own friends give me a hard time about what I let me son watch—some are worried he’ll corrupt their kids. But at the same time, I don’t always agree with their choices, either. We all manage.”

What sort of limits do you set on the shows your kids watch or the games they play? How do you encourage them to make their own decisions about apps and videos?