In Parenting, Every Last Is Also Followed By A First

It’s difficult to remember the last without a sigh, but thank you, my darling, for each first that you’ve shared.

The last time you nuzzled hungrily at my breast as you gripped a long strand of my hair in your tiny hand.

The first time I went out for the evening, knowing in my heart you didn’t quite need me alone anymore.

My darling, just as dusk is followed by dawn, every last is followed by a first.

The last time you startled me awake with sharp, piercing cries in the dark of the night.

The first time I awoke to the sun shining and rushing to ensure you were fine, only to see you still sleeping snug.

The last time I held you close to me on our last day together of maternity leave, trying to breathe in your smell, not quite sure how I’d make it through the next day.

The first time you came running to greet me after a long day of work, wrapping yourself around my legs, making me forget exactly how tired I felt.

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The last time I fed you, teaspoon by teaspoon, tiny mouthfuls of your favourite bite-sized food.

The first time you used your own utensils to pick at your own little pieces, holding the fork just like Daniel Tiger taught you.

The first time I awoke to the sun shining and rushing to ensure you were fine, only to see you still sleeping snug.

The last time you fit into that baby-pink bathtub, designed to hold your little bottom so safe.

The first time you enjoyed your big girl bath, “just the way mommy does,” with pure joy in your voice and a sparkle in your eyes.

The last time you crawled across the floor, so deftly on all fours, to excitedly get the new toy from my hands.

The first time you took those wobbly, drunken steps before falling sheepishly to the ground, your daddy and I both with cameras to capture that impish walk.

The last time your precious baby curls, so perfectly formed, fell onto your cherubic face and found their way into your blinking eyes.

The first time you went to the salon for smart, shorn locks that made you look ever so grown up, unrecognizable from minutes before.

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The last time you woke up, searching excitedly for that precious dollar left behind by the magic of the tooth fairy.

The first time you smiled at me with that shy grin and mouth full of hardware, nervously anticipating what your classmates would think.

The last time you crawled across the floor, so deftly on all fours, to excitedly get the new toy from my hands.

The last dance we danced in that mommy and me class, arms swinging wildly as you twirled us around and around.

The first time I watched you climb onto that stage to perform your own sweet dance, holding back my tears that promised to most certainly embarrass the both of us.

The last time you curled up in my lap, too big to fit with your long school-aged limbs but not yet ready to give up your special space.

The first time you tried to pick me up, lifting me into the air, with an unexpected strength and determination I couldn’t quite recognize.

My darling, just as dusk is followed by dawn, every last is followed by a first. A brand new world, so perfectly imperfect that I cannot fathom it wasn’t what I’ve always wanted. So while I may shed a tear for a moment that is passing, I know you have new magic waiting for me. Hold me tight, my darling, I'm here for the journey.