To Visit My Baby, There Are Many Rules That Must Be Followed And I’m Not Sorry About It

I am having a baby.

In the middle of flu season.

In the middle of a global pandemic.

For me, it’s hard and scary and stressful. Even if you’re not having a baby, you see it — anxiety is high.

That’s because the rules are ever-changing, and not much in life feels stable.

When Sabrina miscarried early in her pregnancy, she was told it wasn't a "big deal" for a variety of reasons. But, as she writes, she is still allowed to grieve — read her piece here.

There’s no good way to know what new limitations will be added to the list tomorrow, or months from now — when I’m due. Unknowns: they can be scary.

But, you know what, most of this I can’t control. I’m having a baby. There will be a global pandemic. The flu exists. All I can do is control what I can, with rules and boundaries that work for my family.

And I’ve had to make the tough decision to hold off seeing anyone who can’t respect these decisions.

I’m not sure how many visitors we will allow when our baby is born. Who knows what the world will look like then? We may not have any visitors at all.

I can only be prepared, which is why I have a list. And sure, it’s long. But I’ve never had a baby during a pandemic before.

My List For Visitors and Well-Wishers

• Wash your hands! Obviously! As with any newborn, you should ALWAYS wash your hands.
• Do NOT touch his face.
• Do NOT kiss him!
• If you so much as have a tickle in your throat, stay home. 
• Take no for an answer. Visitors may be allowed, but please, if I say “no" or “not today” — just accept it. It’s not about you; it’s about our family and trying to get settled.
• Please text beforehand to ask if you can visit, do not just show up.
• Please don’t call over and over again, or expect me to video chat you to show you the baby. Please text first. I will gladly call or video chat you, but let it be on my terms.
• Keep the visits short and sweet.
• Do not show up with somebody without telling me. If I invite you, I’m inviting you, not you and a friend or significant other.
• Do not take photos without permission. And do not post them if you take them.
• Do not announce my baby/labour before I do.
• Please greet my daughter and show her attention, too. I know a new baby is exciting, but my daughter is still special and important, she is not to be overshadowed.
• Wear a mask, if I ask you to wear a mask.
• When my baby is born, I will want to be home and relax as much as I can. We're trying to establish a routine with my four-year-old and newborn. We will go visit you in time (not right away) and you can always ask, but don’t take it personally if I say no.
• Come freshly washed and freshly changed.

If I seem overbearing or dramatic, I am completely OK with that. Because my main focus is keeping my family safe, not making someone else happy.

Meeting my baby is a privilege and not a right — and yes, even family need to respect my rules. There will be no spontaneity right now. No quick visits.

Like many things during this time, most of this is temporary. We will meet again.

Because I am of course going to want my loved ones to meet my beautiful boy. It will be exciting to show him off, and share in that joy with friends and family.

I honestly cannot wait for people to meet him.

Sabina Boileau writes about the stresses of growing her rainbow baby while her essential worker partner works hard every day here. 

But for now, like many of you, I’m anxious. And it’s my baby, so it’s my rules. Until I feel comfortable to relax them a bit.

I can’t control the world, but I can control the little things around me. And that is what’s going to help me feel better.

I want to know that I’m doing what I can to protect our family from a small fraction of the scary things out there.

And ultimately, I’m just trying to do my best.