Strategies for Coping with Holiday Anxiety

I love the holiday season. There's food everywhere, parties to enjoy, the exchanging of gifts, and of course, friends and family to visit. While I love the holidays, I don't love the anxiety I feel when I participate in these events. And I know I'm not alone. Many parents become stressed out during the holidays for all sorts of reasons. So what makes me anxious?

First off, a little background: I am a stay-at-home mom to Stephanie, a two-year-old with special needs. My daughter is mentally like a two-year-old, but is physically like a six-month-old, and has no diagnosis for her condition. The average two-year-old weighs 28 pounds, runs around, talks up a storm and eats full meals. Stephanie weighs 18 pounds, doesn't crawl or walk, doesn't talk very much, and is so terrified of eating solid food that she only takes a bottle. When she puts solid food in her mouth, she throws up immediately, and sometimes just the sight of food will make her throw up. Needless to say, my family makes many visits to medical specialists and therapists who try to help us find the cause of her problems, as well as treat her.

I've told Stephanie's story a million times, but it never gets easier for me emotionally. I often use humour as a way to lighten the mood and to avoid crying in public. While joking usually breaks the tension, it also makes some people very uncomfortable because her situation is no laughing matter.

My bundle of joy is responsible for two years of sleepless nights, oodles of social cancellations and a two-hour maximum travel radius outside of our home. These restraints, combined with the normal pressure of the holiday season, can spell disaster for my family. Since my mother often reminds me to be positive "because everyone has problems", I'm making it my mission to enjoy the holiday season with my family while remaining meltdown free. I am now a woman with a plan! Here are the top three triggers that I'm going to avoid this holiday season. Perhaps some of my solutions will help other parents manage their holiday stress!

Meltdown Trigger #1
Stephanie hates the car and throws up to show her discomfort. The back seat looks like a crime scene!
Solution
Road trips can be hard on kids (and parents!). My solution is to invite guests to my house so we can avoid long rides in the car. This should limit our disappointment when we can't make it to an event because our beautiful girl has spray-painted the back seat yet again. The familiar setting will also help her relax around "strangers," which she really doesn't care for, either.

Meltdown Trigger #2
Like most children her age, Stephanie turns into "demon spawn" when she doesn't get enough sleep.
Solution
Try to plan events around her usual sleep schedule. Since her sleeping is so erratic, we'll have to make sure that we find a quiet place for her to rest, whether we stay at home or venture into the world. Most people are pretty accommodating so that should work ... right?

Meltdown Trigger #3
Every time I talk about Stephanie's health issues, I start sweating ... a lot! How will I talk about her progress without making everyone uncomfortable?
Solution
Bring a cute picture of Stephanie to parties and tell everyone that she is making gains.

This should limit my anxiety, and give people just enough information to satisfy their curiosity without making them, or me, uncomfortable. As an added bonus, I'll nonchalantly change the topic to their status update so they'll think I'm interested in them even if I'm not!

So now it's time to put my money where my mouth is! Will I be able to follow my own plan and enjoy the holiday season, or will I crumble under the pressure and slink back home until January begins? I'm really hoping I'll succeed.

How are you handling your anxiety this holiday season? I'd love to hear from you! Do you have tips or advice that you'd like to share with other parents? Write me in the Comments section. 

Beverley MacNeill lives in Oakville, Ontario, with her husband, daughter and two cats. Bev is a stay-at-home who relies heavily on humour to survive the challenges of raising a baby with special needs. Prior to motherhood, Bev worked as a technical writer in the financial services industry, and is a trained chef.