My gyno told me that in her 20 yrs of practice, I have the strongest pelvic floor shes ever seen so if you feel a shift in energy when I enter the room its cos this is the level of confidence Im walking with now.

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If you're wondering who the dumbest person in the world is, I put latte mug of tea in the microwave, but the mug was too tall, so I poured some tea out and tried to put the mug back in.

Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) June 18, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Eden Dranger","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Eden_Eats","cache_age":86400,"description":"If you're wondering who the dumbest person in the world is, I put latte mug of tea in the microwave, but the mug was too tall, so I poured some tea out and tried to put the mug back in. 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NO your email did NOT find me well, it found me ravaged with STRESS AND THE EFFECTS OF TIME

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i have also thought i was poisoned at shake shack only to remember i am, in fact, lactose intolerant

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Marriage during a pandemic is just taking turns muting and yelling \"I'M ON A ZOOM\" throughout a day.

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I will no worries if not! people into the fcking ground

(@spinubzilla) June 16, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"","author_url":"https://twitter.com/spinubzilla","cache_age":86400,"description":"I will no worries if not! people into the fcking ground (@spinubzilla) June 16, 2020\n\n","options":{"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":" on 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This lady and her 15 friends tested positive for COVID after a girls' night out.

This is terrible of course.

But the bigger question is who the hell has 15 friends?

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honestly worst purchase of 2020 was a 2020 planner

dumpster baby (@laurenrosaaa) June 15, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"dumpster baby","author_url":"https://twitter.com/laurenrosaaa","cache_age":86400,"description":"honestly worst purchase of 2020 was a 2020 planner dumpster baby (@laurenrosaaa) June 15, 2020\n\n","options":{"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"dumpster baby on 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I will either respond to your email immediately or three years from now

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black women: we are sad, frustrated, hurt, exhausted
white women: okay so what Im hearing is youre mad at me

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thinking abt the very large bottle of fireball whisky in the bottom drawer of my desk at work, wondering if it misses me too

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being attracted to men is so embarrassing but someones gotta do it

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technically a pool noodle is a bucatini

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i dont have any hobbies but i do like reading customer reviews of indian cookbooks where white people complain about the dishes being too spicy

Scaachi (@Scaachi) June 15, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Scaachi","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Scaachi","cache_age":86400,"description":"i dont have any hobbies but i do like reading customer reviews of indian cookbooks where white people complain about the dishes being too spicy Scaachi (@Scaachi) June 15, 2020\n\n","options":{"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Scaachi on 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canadians be like and then shovel snow

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A girl I went to high school with just announced that shes a grandmother, and my right hip disintegrated.

Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) June 16, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Ashley C. Ford","author_url":"https://twitter.com/iSmashFizzle","cache_age":86400,"description":"A girl I went to high school with just announced that shes a grandmother, and my right hip disintegrated. Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) June 16, 2020\n\n","options":{"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Ashley C. 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At this point, I've basically got a Zoom prop bag sitting next to my laptop. It's got a bra, hoodie, lip stick, head scarf, brow definer, hoops, etc. depending on \"who all gone be on there.\"

Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) June 16, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Akilah Green","author_url":"https://twitter.com/akilahgreen","cache_age":86400,"description":"At this point, I've basically got a Zoom prop bag sitting next to my laptop. 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Just realized there has never been an easier time for teenagers to buy beer with a fake ID. Oh that doesnt look like me? Really? You can tell just from the eyes? No I will NOT take my mask off.

Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) June 18, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Samantha Ruddy","author_url":"https://twitter.com/samlymatters","cache_age":86400,"description":"Just realized there has never been an easier time for teenagers to buy beer with a fake ID. Oh that doesnt look like me? Really? You can tell just from the eyes? No I will NOT take my mask off. 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Tomorrow is another day used to be something people said to encourage each other but now it kind of just feels like a threat.

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Shoutout to the useless people who start 10 Words with Friends games then forget to log in for a week.

Me. I am useless people.

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