When it feels like the friendships in your life are lacking, its easy to place blame on your pals. But before you do, it might be worth looking in the mirror first. Sometimes its actually us, not them, thats the problem.

That said, we all go through challenging periods dealing with job loss , a family crisis or a mental health issue, for instance when were not acting like the top-notch friend we aspire to be under normal circumstances. But when this inconsiderate or toxic behavior toward friends becomes part of a long-term pattern, it needs to be examined and worked on. Otherwise, you risk losing those relationships.

Wondering if your friendship skills are up to snuff? We asked experts to share the signs that might indicate youre not being a good friend and offer advice on how to be a better one.

1. You always manage to steer the conversation back to yourself

When your friend starts to open up about their promotion at work or the new person theyre dating, you never fail to find a way to steer the discussion back to you.

No conversation is perfectly balanced in who talks more, nor should it be. And in some friendships, one person always tends to talk more and that can be OK, psychologist Andrea Bonior , author of Detox Your Thoughts, told HuffPost. But if your friends are trying to confide or discuss something about their lives, and you consistently hijack it back to you, it stings and destroys the sense of reciprocity that is so important in friendship.

The fix: Sharpen your mindful listening skills . When your friend is talking, practice maintaining eye contact and using open, supportive body language, Bonior suggested. It shows youre paying attention and genuinely interested in hearing what they have to say.

Pause before you share something about yourself by asking if it can be seen as interrupting the narrative the other person is telling, she said.

2. You commit to plans, already knowing youre going to back out

Life happens, things come up and plans get canceled thats understandable. But if you have a habit of saying yes to that wine tasting trip or to helping them move, when you actually mean no, its inconsiderate. Its better to be upfront than flake out at the last minute.

Theres a subset of folks who are afraid of the discomfort of saying no in the first place, so they say yes to avoid that discomfort, Bonior said. But it only causes more disappointment later. Thats not fair to friends and erodes trust over time.

The fix: Resist the urge to respond immediately. If youre not sure if you can swing it, its OK to give it some thought and get back to them later, said psychologist and friendship expert Irene S. Levine .

And bear in mind that you dont have to acquiesce to everything a friend asks, Levine said. If you need to turn them down, do so at the onset, not at the last minute when they are depending on you. Only make commitments you are able to keep.

3. Youre good at making friends, but not keeping them

You are outgoing, friendly and well-liked, able to easily make friends but not able to make the friendship last or go deeper, Levine said.

Of course, not all relationships are built to last and thats OK. But if you have a string of short-lived friendships and they didnt end on your terms there could be a reason.

The fix: Take time to consider why these bonds tend to crash and burn or just fade away. Maybe an old pal gave you some constructive criticism in the past that could offer a clue? Or is there another person in your life who may be able to lend some insight?

If this is a pattern and you cant get past it, you may want to speak to a life coach or mental health therapist who can help you determine whats happening and give you tools to help keep your friendships, Levine said.