George Floyds death at the hands of Minneapolis police in May 2020 and the protests that followed gave way to a long-overdue national reckoning on race .

Among other things, it forced people to take a good, hard look at their own social circles . While cross-racial friendships are fairly common among young kids, those bonds dont persist when they approach adolescence . Its even more difficult for adults to maintain meaningful friendships across racial lines. Why is that?

I think the real reason these friendships are hard to maintain is that in order to be truly authentic, I need to feel like I can share all the parts of myself with my friends, Ketsia Gustave , a Haitian American writer, previously told HuffPost . If I cant do that, our friendship isnt as close as the ones I have with my Black friends and other POC.

So what can we do? For starters, its imperative that we be open to having honest conversations about race with friends even if its uncomfortable to do so and even when its not dominating the news cycle.

To that end, we asked Black people to reveal what they wish the white people in their lives knew and understood. Heres what they said.

Responses have been lightly edited and condensed for clarity and length.

1. I notice your silence about the acts of racism and other injustices in the news.

There are a lot of issues that sometimes only affect or disproportionally affect a community. That should not be an exoneration from caring or paying attention. When you are silent, I often feel like I have no choice but to question: Where do you stand? Do you care about whats happening?

This doesnt mean you have to start talking politics and social justice 24/7 I still enjoy seeing puppy pics and newborn photos on my timeline! But we cant ignore whats happening, and it is unacceptable to stay neutral. If days, months, years go by and you never discuss these issues or engage with anything I say in person or online, that sends a clear message. Its difficult to believe that you care. Candace Howze , writer and multimedia artist

2. And it hurts when you speak out but then suddenly go quiet on these issues, too.

When we see your enthusiasm for justice wane after just a few weeks of another murder or police brutality against us, its a psychological struggle for us at times to stay positive about the friendship. Maybe you no longer know what to say or do, maybe you dont want to keep bringing it up out of fear of making us relive painful moments. But the truth is, those thoughts are running through our minds, regardless, at some point throughout most days.

If you never bring it up again, it leaves us questioning how real we can be around you. How open, honest, and raw can we be? The silence or quieting of your voices make us turn the focus from the real issues to centering our thoughts around you and the realness of the friendship. It makes us wonder how much you understand or want to understand systemic racism, and if we can trust you to have our back in covert racist situations. When you go quiet, its painful. Michelle Saahene, co-founder of From Privilege to Progress

3. Being Black in this country can be exhausting.

As a Black person, I have to conform to societal standards to exist in this country. I have to create a caricature palatable enough to comfort white people in white spaces so that Ill make it home to see my family. I cant afford to be anything other than what society demands me to be. If I ever become a hashtag, my family will know it wasnt because I didnt comply. Brittany Neighbors

4. Dont expect me to educate you on racism.

As a Black man in a predominately white industry, neighborhood and social circle, I do field questions, especially over the last few months. My own self-awareness is full of blind spots, and I am not a fount of knowledge in this area Im a long way from it. I answer with honesty and transparency, but it is not my job to educate you. There are amazing resources out there for you to explore and start to build your own understanding and awareness.

I have seen the same at work, with a Black employee being expected to deliver on inclusion despite it not being related to her role. I am happy to have those difficult conversations, but you need to know for yourself. Then I can provide a little help in building your own house of awareness. Lee Chambers , environmental psychologist and well-being consultant