just learned that they put your last name on a pets prescription which means there are pharmacists out there who went to school for years just to dispense Zoloft to a Meatball Williams

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local fucking idiot chases skunk at 6:30 am, deals with consequences for first time in life pic.twitter.com/rSYZUC7B91

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giving our cats their own designated goblet to drink from was the best decision ever bc they still think they are drinking from a forbidden human cup (their fav hobby) so they dont Actually steal from our real cups anymore. it is also sooo cute seeing cats sip from little goblets

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*wife from the next room*
\"I hope you haven't spent all your months wages on something expensive and unnecessary again\"

Me: pic.twitter.com/uDXGCbScZ7

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Sorry Im late my dog laid his head on me.

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Found this screenshot in my camera roll from Istanbul in Geoguessr with dog written on it but couldnt remember why Id saved it so went to check on Google Earth and it was because of this big fat pooch pic.twitter.com/5H0sWUgDzA

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When a dog picks you out of a group to hang out with and their owner's like \"he really likes you\" and you're all no he probably just smells my dog\" but on the inside you're screaming IT'S BECAUSE I AM THE CHOSEN ONE

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Things Ive had to say to Reg so far this morning:
- that curry is not for you
- get out of the washing machine
- get off of the washing machine
- dont lick the toolbox
- that one is your destruction shoe
- seriously, stop licking the toolbox
Its half past eight. pic.twitter.com/aFPG67IW1M

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Absolutely cannot be arsed with pub/kid/dog discourse but I do feel strongly that more pubs should have a large tabby cat that sleeps on the bar and opens one eye with disdain as you approach.

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Big deal. I have conversations with my cat every day. https://t.co/ZGCWCqx85F

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The face of porch package thieves when they realize they're trying to speedy-steal 50 pounds of cat litter.

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Waiting for the USPS worker to come see how cute Im being pic.twitter.com/SXpwvOLtmI

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Science: Domesticated dogs are most closely related to gray wolves.

My dog: I won't eat this kibble because it is slightly damp.

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this is how i've felt every day of my life https://t.co/otPCEPftAk

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Thought some notification had come in on my husbands phone but turned out it was the cat snoring.

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Well, about your cat... There's good news and bad news... pic.twitter.com/7b9tKRb6QS

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My dog will ignore half a dozen food wrappers littered along our walk route but if we come across a single empty, crumpled up, soggy cigarette pack, it's suddenly the only thing he's EVER wanted

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his name is tomato soup https://t.co/yBI2OgHLXe pic.twitter.com/mICSBFMuxf

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gym crush update: we swapped numbers

so i can catsit his and his partners cat

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this is a white guy from money who works in advertising & lives in the west village, bc that's where the girls he's attracted to are, even tho he has a girlfriend & together they have a semi large number of followers posting pedestrian day-in-the-life videos. his name is tyler. https://t.co/ALVZZhp34f

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while we're away our 13 year old dog, ivan, is staying with my 84 year old mother-in-law. we'll see which one survives.

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Not sure how this has happened. Outside cat is ours. Inside cat is not. pic.twitter.com/gwrsH9O3QT

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Adopting a cat is so weird like im just going to pick up some pasta, eggs, and my best friend of the next 20 years

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this fucking insane picture my dad took pic.twitter.com/67jNMgiOdz

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the therapy dog at my therapist pic.twitter.com/MjQl8DeM1T

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Would u still like me if I looked like this pic.twitter.com/snr9KKx0QL

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If the US is so great why dont our kfcs have cats dressed up as fried chicken pic.twitter.com/etyFg2R9YV

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As a new cat owner I have noticed that most cat advice is advice about how to change your behavior to accommodate the cat pic.twitter.com/Y8BZYQTWkD

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