why do I bother sterilising milk bottles when my kid just licked the floor of Tesco

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No sadder relationship dynamic than my baby (absolutely obsessed with my 3yo) and my 3yo (continually tells us to throw her in the garbage)

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If you want to be yelling at your kids in the car at 4:30 in the morning before you even get to the end of your driveway, a vacation might be for you!

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Would love to have a brief chat with whoever taught my son to roll his eyes and say oh my GOD whenever someone displeases him oh wait

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One day youre taking care of your babys every need and the next youre like, Did I feed my kids lunch today?

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went on vacation so my kids could play on their ipads in a different state

-a modern day parenting story

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What I said: its bedtime

What my kid heard: put on a Batman mask and check the hallways for crime

meghan (@deloisivete) August 21, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"meghan","author_url":"https://twitter.com/deloisivete","cache_age":86400,"description":"What I said: its bedtime What my kid heard: put on a Batman mask and check the hallways for crime meghan (@deloisivete) August 21, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"meghan on 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My 6yo has started calling himself a smarty pants and when I asked him why he thinks that, he said Well, Im smart and I wear pants.

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Halfway through my kids crazy complicated Subway order, the guy asked Where you going with this sandwich, man?

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Me to my husband: \"Don't worry, he's only 2, he'll forget about wanting ice cream for dinner if we don't bring it up.\"

My 2yo: \"Behold, mother, there is the exact space Grandma parked in when she drove me to this playground 3 weeks ago; I was clad in my green Stegosaurus shirt\"

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Paid $75 to take the family to the zoo so my toddler could ooh and ahh over a caterpillar in the parking lot.

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My 8YOs drawings of me have improved in detail. Although she still draws my body as a round ball, she now adds a nice touch by filling in the dark circles under my eyes.

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11-year-old: I'm bringing my saxophone home from school tomorrow.

Me: Why?

11: To practice making sounds.

Me: You mean notes?

11: No. We haven't learned those yet.

Lucky us.

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My daughter asked me if they had ice cream in the olden days and it took me a minute to realize she was talking about when I was a kid

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My 6yo found money and said it's unfair that I took it from her because she found it. In my house! She found MY money in MY house.

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Remember when your mom would just drop you at the mall and have no way to get in touch with you? I dont even trust my kids to go upstairs alone.

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After I told my son it was time to leave the childrens museum, he replied, I had a bad day and its all your fault! so I replied, awesome. Several moms overheard and gave an understanding laugh, and it was immediate kinship.

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The eight year old: I wrote another book, my best one yet
Me: Thats so great, do you think youll be a writer when you grow up?
Her: *stares* Did you not hear me, I wrote books. Im a writer already

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I think you're supposed to look at this painting and think something terrible is written in the letter but as a mom I can tell you she's just trying to write a simple grocery list with a 4 year old around and she's given up all hope of ever finishing. pic.twitter.com/JcAVZaMFl8

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Not to brag but I finally got the sand out from the car from the last beach trip in 2018

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\"Welcome to daycare. Here's your eye infection.\"

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My kid has been begging for a pet so I bought her a rug and told her it was her carpet. She didnt laugh.

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Shout out to the mom who didnt blink when my kid told her that I keep all of her art projects forever, were in this together and you had my back

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