13yo apparently plays Wordle, Connections, and Tiles every day on his laptop. How? Does he subscribe to the Times? He leads a whole secret old man life that I dont know about

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Yall my daughter just walked up to me kissed me and said I love you so much, I will never forget you when you pass away

Ok?.

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No one warned me about the secret boss level of parenting in which you have to parent your own parents

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Do you think bread crusts are sad that kids hate them?

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Overheard my 12yo warn his friend that Im embarrassing so I told her he kept saying how excited he was for their play date.

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The battle I didnt pick today: letting my toddler eat his lasagna with a straw

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3-year-old is screaming HELP at the top of his lungs because I wont let him go outside, in a blizzard, wearing just his unicorn pajamas. When I told him that might scare our neighbors, bc theyll think something is really wrong, he started screaming SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG

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I have eaten all the candy, so my kids will open their Easter eggs to find Heinz ketchup packets

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4-year-old appeared while I was washing the dishes and politely asked Mama, would you like to sit down in a chair? and Ive been doing this for long enough to know that doesnt mean she thinks I deserve a break, it means she has gotten her hands on a whoopee cushion.

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My 6yo announced loudly in the store, OH NO CHEESE, MY ONLY ENEMY, so I had to pretend not to know him

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We're walking to the cemetery because my 9yo wants to \"write down all the names of the dead people.\" What?!

She's brought a pen and paper.

No clue where this is going, but I'm gonna post updates.

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My family needs a movie where they just introduce every character and then give us 10 minutes so we can look up where we know the actors from.

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6yo: Daddy, houses cost a lot of money. Can I just take your house when I grow up?

Me: Where would mommy and I live?

6yo: Basement.

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My 3yo doesnt understand behave is one word. I be have. My sister be not have.

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5yo: JESUS HAD A PURPLE CROSS
Me: Um... pretty sure it was wooden.
5yo: IT WAS PURPLE. THAT IS WHAT MY TEACHER SAID
Me: Are you sure you... (remembers to pick my battles) Cool.

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today my daughter enters a new phase of life as i bestow upon her the knowledge of friendship bracelet making

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You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework?

Vodka

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I would fight a tiger to protect my kids but Ill be damned if Im gonna fold their socks. Thats motherhood.

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I love my 3yo with all my soul. I wouldn't change a single thing about him. Well, okay, if we could wake up tomorrow morning & be done with scream-correcting my pronunciation of random words even when I DEFINITELY WASN'T SAYING CHALKY INSTEAD OF CHARLIE that would be cool I guess

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My 6-year-old woke up lamenting that he didnt have a vegetable tale.

I didnt know what he was talking about until I remembered him asking about the tails we have in utero & how I told him some babies are born with vestigial tails. Oops.

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Told my kid it was time for a screen break and youd think I asked for both of his kidneys

Midge (@mxmclain) March 28, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Midge","author_url":"https://twitter.com/mxmclain","cache_age":86400,"description":"Told my kid it was time for a screen break and youd think I asked for both of his kidneys Midge (@mxmclain) March 28, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Midge on Twitter / 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Pretty sure Rome was built faster than my kid can tie her shoelaces.

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