Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Store clerk: May I help you?
Me: I hope so. Sweetie go get your math homework, this nice woman is going to help us.
Store clerk: May I help you?
Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 13, 2018
Me: I hope so. Sweetie go get your math homework, this nice woman is going to help us.
I used to really like my flaws and think that they made me unique. Now that my kids have all of the same annoying flaws, I can see that I was wrong.
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Now that my kids have all of the same annoying flaws, I can see that I was wrong.
Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) March 13, 2018
Sometimes I wonder how I could ever take for granted the miracle of parenthood, then one of my kids runs by naked & spills my coffee while wiping his nose on my shirt, & I remember exactly how.
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naked & spills my coffee while wiping his nose on my shirt, & I remember exactly how.
Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 15, 2018
ME: too bad you wont get to experience the joy of going into toys r us like i did
TODDLER: *removes wireless ear bud and looks up from ipad* im good
ME: too bad you wont get to experience the joy of going into toys r us like i did
mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 15, 2018
TODDLER: *removes wireless ear bud and looks up from ipad* im good
Advertisement
My 6yo is writing a death metal song about the time his little sister accidentally turned off his PlayStation.
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PlayStation.
Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 13, 2018
My son is trying to use his Chuck E Cheese card on the ice cream machine and I've never been so proud.
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Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) March 14, 2018
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Tell your kids you love them every day! Do it at their Jr. High. Be sure you're wearing a fanny pack & a shirt with a picture of them on it.
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Do it at their Jr. High. Be sure you're wearing a fanny pack & a shirt with a picture of them on it.
Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 10, 2018
Me: *reaching something on a high shelf* What would you do without me?
5-year-old: Watch whatever I want on Netflix.
Me: *reaching something on a high shelf* What would you do without me?
James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 16, 2018
5-year-old: Watch whatever I want on Netflix.
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My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, \"That's just 4 things.\" So she's basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.
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relationships","slug":"family-and-relationships","links":{"relativeLink":"topic/family-and-relationships","permalink":"https://action.news/topic/family-and-relationships","mobileWebLink":"https://action.news/topic/family-and-relationships"},"department":{"name":"Life","slug":"lifestyle"},"section":{"title":"Parenting","slug":"parents"},"topic":{"title":"Family","slug":"family","overridesSectionLabel":false},"url":"https://action.news/life/topic/family"},{"name":"funniest tweets","slug":"funniest-tweets","links":{"relativeLink":"topic/funniest-tweets","permalink":"https://action.news/topic/funniest-tweets","mobileWebLink":"https://action.news/topic/funniest-tweets"},"url":"https://action.news/topic/funniest-tweets"}],"isLiveblogLive":null,"isLiveblog":false,"cetUnit":"buzz_body","bodyAds":["\r\n\r\n","\r\n\r\n","\r\n\r\n"],"adCount":0},"isCollectionEmbed":false,"enhancements":{}}">My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, "That's just 4 things." So she's basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.
jendziura (@jendziura) February 15, 2018
And really, who among us needs a Pulp Fiction adrenaline shot to the heart when your kid can just grab your ankle in the middle of the night?
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solution to "my mom won't let me have a social media account" that I've seen in a while
Ijeoma Oluo (@IjeomaOluo) March 13, 2018
I dont usually make a big deal out of St. Patricks Day, but my 3-year-old told me the meerkat comes and we have to trap him to get his gold. Now Im excited and a little nervous.
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have to trap him to get his gold. Now Im excited and a little nervous.
Andrew Knott (@aknott21) March 16, 2018
Advertisement
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relationships","slug":"family-and-relationships","links":{"relativeLink":"topic/family-and-relationships","permalink":"https://action.news/topic/family-and-relationships","mobileWebLink":"https://action.news/topic/family-and-relationships"},"department":{"name":"Life","slug":"lifestyle"},"section":{"title":"Parenting","slug":"parents"},"topic":{"title":"Family","slug":"family","overridesSectionLabel":false},"url":"https://action.news/life/topic/family"},{"name":"funniest tweets","slug":"funniest-tweets","links":{"relativeLink":"topic/funniest-tweets","permalink":"https://action.news/topic/funniest-tweets","mobileWebLink":"https://action.news/topic/funniest-tweets"},"url":"https://action.news/topic/funniest-tweets"}],"isLiveblogLive":null,"isLiveblog":false,"cetUnit":"buzz_body","bodyAds":["\r\n\r\n","\r\n\r\n","\r\n\r\n"],"adCount":0},"isCollectionEmbed":false,"enhancements":{}}">I don't know anyone as cutthroat as the women in the local Facebook moms' group.
MumMumMommyMom (@tinyandtired) March 15, 2018
Any cool skate punk bands that sing exclusively baby songs? Asking for myself, because my life is just so different than I ever imagined. #dadlife
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Asking for myself, because my life is just so different than I ever imagined. #dadlife
Spychka (@GrantSpychka) March 15, 2018
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Watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with my kid and Mickey just called a record player an ancient machine. From now on Im going to tweet in hieroglyphics.
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From now on Im going to tweet in hieroglyphics.
MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) March 10, 2018
If having kids teaches you anything, it's that you know absolutely nothing.
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Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 16, 2018
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Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) March 15, 2018
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I just want to be excited for something as my kids were after watching the trailer for Wreck It Ralph 2 for the first time.
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the first time.
Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 16, 2018
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