Today, we have a greater diversity of bodies represented in the media than in decades past, but were still a long way from a culture of body acceptance. As parents, we dont want our kids to grow up thinking that small bodies are the best bodies, and more and more of us are working to shift attitudes about body size.

When youre careful about the language you use to talk about bodies with your children, it may catch you off-guard to hear them use the word fat with a negative tone.

Lets say your kid is chasing after a sibling and calls them a big, fat idiot. You ask them not to use insults but then youre implying that big and fat are derogatory words and that people dont want to be described that way.

Or maybe your child asks you if a certain outfit makes them look fat. You reassure them that they arent fat at all, that no article of clothing could make them look that way.

In both of the examples above, your kids language suggests that they view fatness in a negative light and your responses may have unintentionally reinforced this for them.

So, how should you react when your kid uses the word fat? And, more importantly, how can you provide a counter-narrative to all of the messages theyre receiving to help them understand that the problem isnt fat bodies, but fat stigma?

Respond with curiosity.

Its possible that your child doesnt grasp all the negative connotations of the word fat in our society, and you certainly dont want to suggest any new ones.

When parents hear their child using the word fat to insult or critique themselves or others, its an opportunity to gain insight into what your child is thinking, Crystal Williams, a psychologist in California, told HuffPost.

Instead of launching into a lecture about the dangers of diet culture, start by asking your child a question or two to try to get a better grasp of their thoughts.

Here are some possibilities:

• What does the word fat mean to you?
• What do you think the word fat means to other people?
• Who decides whos fat and who isnt?
• Is there something wrong with being fat?

If your child is simply being descriptive, you can remind them that bodies come in all shapes, sizes and colors, Alyssa Miller, a registered dietician who runs the Instagram account Nutrition for Littles , told HuffPost.

Miller also suggested telling them using words like fat or even tiny as an insult is not OK. Go-to phrases she recommends for these types of situations include, We dont comment on peoples bodies and all bodies are different.

If your child can articulate that being fat isnt the same thing as being a bad person, then you can ask follow-up questions about why they seem to be using the word as an insult or why they dont want others to perceive them as fat.

If a child is calling themselves fat, its an indication of self-esteem/self-worth issues, said Williams. Do some further digging to try to figure out if these issues are body image-specific or more general in nature.

You might ask, It sounds like youre having a really hard time feeling good about your body. Can you tell me more about what youre worried about? This invites kids into recognizing that the body is not to blame, its actually the emotion underneath that needs tending to, Sarah Herstich , a Pennsylvania-based therapist, told HuffPost.

Dont assume kids are too young to understand bias.

While we dont want to make presumptions about their intent, we do know that kids absorb cultural messages from an early age. Even if youre trying to be careful with your language and judicious with their exposure to media, theyll inevitably take in some of our collective fatphobia.

Miller said she has seen kids as young as 2 use the word fat (or big) to describe someone.

I would say likely by age 4-5 they can start to get a feel for how people are treated differently based on their size, she said.

Studies show that girls as young as 6 express concerns about their body size, with 40-60% of girls ages 6-12 worrying about their weight or becoming fat.

Be aware of the messages that youre sending.

Most of us carry a lifetime of collected fat stigma and tend to get emotional when we hear this word fat, said Miller. We may fear that if our child is perceived as fat, they will be teased and bullied.

But if you shut down the conversation as soon as your child calls someone fat, that sends its own message. [What] were communicating to our children is that being fat is so bad we cant even talk about it, said Miller.

Instead, she suggests starting a meaningful conversation by staying calm and getting curious with your child and what they might already believe about being fat.

Watch your own language as well. Herstich suggests parents use the word fat in a neutral manner, just like they do when talking about peoples height, hair color or skin color. Helping kids decouple the word fat from the shame that has been weaponized against people living in fat bodies is so important.

Reframing the conversation around fat is a long-term project that will require some commitment on your part. Herstich recommended that parents get curious about their relationship with their own body and what they believe to be true about fat and fatness.

It sends your kids mixed messages if, for example, youre speaking about diverse bodies using positive terms, but restricting your own food intake. It impacts them, too. We know that the children of mothers with eating disorders are at a heightened risk of developing eating disorders themselves.

Emphasize qualities other than weight.

If you want your kids to respect all bodies, youll need to model this behavior for them. Dont comment on someones body, dont gossip or discuss other peoples body size, said Miller.

Focus on who people are, what they bring to the table, and their unique gifts and strengths when talking about other people.

There are so many things to say about a body other than commenting on its size. Make sure that when you talk about your childs body, you mention their physical capabilities as well as the features that make their body unique, or perhaps ones that they share with other relatives.

Watch the way you comment on your own body. If you wouldnt say something about your childs body, you shouldnt say it about your own, either. Your kids identify with you, and when you critique yourself, they feel it on a personal level.

Try to focus your body talk on attributes other than appearance. Parents can talk about bodies from the perspective of gratitude (for working parts), functionality (what body can do), and self-care (hygiene and managing stress) said Williams.

Note when you hear others praising bodies for being thin or criticizing them for not being thin enough. Calling out inappropriate comments, said Miller, can be great starters for deeper conversations around this topic.

If youre looking for books on the subject to share with your children, Herstich recommended A Kids Book About Body Image , Bodies Are Cool , and Her Body Can .