3yo: can you play with me?

Me: in a minute

3yo: Alexa, set timer for 1 minute

Fuuuuck

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My kid meant to shout Alexa but instead she just yelled Mom and I cant believe were alive at a time where shes getting her robot assistant mixed up with her real life assistant.

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8-year-old: Hey Google, what day is it?

Me: It's sad that you have to ask.

8: Then you tell me.

Me: Let's see what Google says.

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7: (silently sneaks up behind me and taps me on the shoulder)
Me: Yes?
7: (whispers into my ear) Do not trust Siri. She doesnt have eyes. (Walks away)

Who needs scary movies when you can just have kids?

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Get Alexa so your kid can ask it how to spell fart anytime you get on a phone call

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My 6yo carried our Google Home Mini around the house all day asking it question after question to the point where I found it locked in the bathroom crying with a glass of wine.

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me, after scolding my kids: *walking away*

son: ALEXA, play the Imperial March

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Me: Hey Siri

Siri: *silence*

Me: HEY Siri!

Siri: *silence*

Me: Hey SIRI!!

Siri: *silence*

Me: hey Siri

Siri: *silence*


Me: *talking to my kids and say anything with an s sound*

Siri: How can I help?

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*1yo falls and the Google Home falls too*

4yo: OH no! GOOGLE! Is Google ok?!*rushes to check on Google while his brother cries a foot away* Mommy, Google isn't talking, can you make sure it's ok?!

Me: Your brother is fine, thanks for asking

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Normally I would get annoyed with my kids asking Alexa one thousand questions but theyre not asking me so basically its the best day ever

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Thought we were going to have a fun family night but so far its just my sons taking turns asking Alexa inappropriate things.

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6y.o: Hey Google... whats the best way to annoy your big broth-

14y.o: -I HEARD THAT. Knock it off.

6 *whispers*: Hey Google... whats the best way to annoy a boy whos in your family & was born before you?

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Alexa, mute my children.

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Alexa, I mean... Mom

- my kid, confusing me with the other caretaker in our house.

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When you first get Alexa how long does it take for your husband and kids to get bored of asking her to make fart noises? Its been 42 hours, 33 minutes and 18 seconds

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My 4yo just told Siri to play Thunderstruck by AC/DC and started his own dance party in the kitchen. This might be one of my proudest moments as a parent.

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Thanks to my kids I learned that amazon echo will play a song called Regge Farts. And now you know too.

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When I was growing up, I thought my parents knew everything.

My kids have a Google Home Mini so they are already well-aware that I clearly dont know anything

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Pretty sure I heard Siri get annoyed with my kid.

Hey, Siri. I get it.

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I said Alexa three times and she didnt respond so shes family now.

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4: Hey Google, BUY ME MORE TOYS.

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My kid just yelled Alexa, put pear on the shopping list. We do not have Alexa.

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My toddler has accidentally used Siri more than I have intentionally used Siri.

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Child: Hey mom-
Wife: OMG WHAT NOW
Child: NEVER MIND I'll ASK ALEXA. Hey Alexa-
Alexa: OMG WHAT NOW

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Alexa, homeschool my kids today

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My 9yo figured out how to use \"Hey Google\" voice commands on his computer so long story short in about five minutes he's gonna need a new computer.

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My kid just tried to argue with Siri, and it reminded me of nearly every comment thread in 2020.

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Just overheard my 6-year-old son ask Alexa, \"Alexa, is there anyone my dad could beat up?\"

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Making my kids watch old-school episodes of Knight Rider and my daughter said, \"So, it's pretty much just a car with Siri built in?\"

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Some people out there are afraid that our children will develop bad habits from todays technology.

All Im saying is this morning, my Amazon Echo made me repeat myself 9 times and then completely ignored my commands, so I think we might have that backwards.

Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) September 14, 2019","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Arianna Bradford","author_url":"https://twitter.com/thearibradford","cache_age":86400,"description":"Some people out there are afraid that our children will develop bad habits from todays technology.All Im saying is this morning, my Amazon Echo made me repeat myself 9 times and then completely ignored my commands, so I think we might have that backwards. 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Me: Hey Siri, who is this?
Siri: Listening..
Me: [holding phone up to houseful of kids]
Siri: This sounds like Hell.

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me: ALEXA put the dishes away

her, 8: really...

alexa: I think I should go home now

me: ALEXA make dinner

her, 8: mom she's my friend! stop!

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Today my sons whole zoom class overheard me screaming ALEXA! STOP IT! in the background. In my defense I was saying Play Beastie Boys and she launched into Barbara Ann 3 times.

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6y.o., from kitchen: Does Google Nest know everything?

Me: It can answer most questions.

6: *whispers* Hey Google... how do I, I mean PEOPLE, get marker off a cats tail?

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Need a laugh? Have your three year old start a random conversation with Siri. You're welcome.

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Alexa, tell my kids mommy left while I hide in the closet eating candy.

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8: Alexa, play enter sandman by Mallencia

Me: you mean Metallica?

8: its fine, she knows what I mean

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My 3yo has figured out how to use Siri. Their alliance makes me uneasy.

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Sitting in the car with a sleeping baby while jotting down notes for a future story, Siri play Papas Got A Brand New Bag

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[2 hours after setting up an Amazon Echo]

3 year-old: ALEXA! TELL ME-

Alexa: FUCK [initiates self-destruct mode]

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