Weve all been on the receiving end of a guilt trip from parents, other family members, teachers, you name it. But even if the emotion does lead to changed behavior, that doesnt mean its always a good thing, especially for kids.

Guilt may work in the moment to stop a behavior, but the long-term effects on a childs emotions is not helpful or healthy, said parenting educator Laura Linn Knight . Parents can use their own experience of how guilt and shame have had a negative impact in their life as a reminder to leave guilt out of their conversations with their children.

But that doesnt mean its an entirely bad thing either. As kids develop empathy and compassion, they also start to experience feelings of guilt when their actions have a negative impact on others or otherwise violate their values.

Guilt is not always bad especially if it comes from inside, not from outside based on something a parent said, said Keneisha Sinclair-McBride , a clinical psychologist at Boston Childrens Hospital in Massachusetts. Kids are building their internal guiding principles in real time its important to not lose sight of that.

Parents should be mindful of their role in this. Even if youre not seeking to guilt-trip your children, there are other common behaviors and comments that make kids feel guilty. Speaking to HuffPost, experts broke down some parenting approaches that instill guilt and should be avoided.

Piling On When They Make Mistakes

Its important to separate the kid from the action, Sinclair-McBride said. Your kid, whom you love, did something that frustrates you. Thats all. When you put the kid and the action together, this can cause guilt.

She advised against saying things like Youre so careless! when your kid forgets to turn in their homework or Youre so sloppy! when they make a mess.

Parents often do this without realizing it in the heat of the moment because they are tired and frustrated, Sinclair-McBride said. Better to take a deep breath and just describe the action and any potential consequences: You forgot to turn in your homework. You worked hard on that. What happened? Or I asked you to clean up your art supplies, and they are all over the floor still. Now we need to clean up instead of watching a show before bed.

Rather than making emotionally charged, judgmental comments, get your kids into problem-solving mode. Mistakes are opportunities for learning, not shaming.

If a young child tears a library book and the parent responds angrily with Look what youve done! Youve ruined it! Theyll never let you take any more books out! the child may well feel overwhelmed by their parents anger, and could internalize that into feeling like theyre a bad kid and they can never fix what theyve done, said Kristene Geering, the director of education at Parent Lab , a parenting education resource. Now compare that with responding: Oh dear, the page is torn, and this book doesnt belong to you. How do you think we can fix it?

The second option still acknowledges the mistake and impact on others but encourages kids to come up with a solution.

Kids may feel discomfort when they break something that matters to a family member, echoed Deborah Farmer Kris , a parent educator. That sense of remorse or guilt can prompt them to come tell us what happened and to make amends. Thats worth celebrating, because it takes courage to say you are sorry and figure out how to move forward.

Take on the role of coaching and teaching, not shaming and blaming. Kris recommended helping kids connect the dots between their actions and other peoples emotions by saying things like: When you call your little brother names, it hurts his feelings. I know you get frustrated with him, so lets brainstorm other ways to handle that feeling.