We all know to watch our language when were around kids: no swearing, no adults-only topics, no gossip you wouldnt want them repeating to anyone else. If we slip on any of these, we generally realize it right away and can follow up with an I shouldnt have said that.

But there are other things that we should avoid saying to kids that were unlikely to notice because theyre so common and seem innocuous. Many of us repeat them habitually. These phrases can cause confusion for kids or muddle the messages were trying to send, and experts recommend that we avoid them when addressing our children. Heres what they are:

1. Could you/do you mind/will you please/can you?

Many of us are in the habit of saying phrases like these in order to sound polite or deferential, but they can cause confusion for kids. If youre giving an instruction, its better to do so without asking a question.

Beginning with an interrogative implies an element of choice, leaving the child room to say no, Amy Jackson , chief early learning strategy officer at Primrose Schools, told HuffPost. Instead, use a simple command: Pick up the blocks, please or You need to pick up the blocks.

Another option would be Its time to pick up the blocks. This phrasing communicates that the parent isnt making the child do something on a whim, but simply communicating that now is the time in the days schedule to clean up.

2. Im not going to help you.

Its good to encourage kids to do things on their own, but this phrasing can be discouraging and lead to the child not coming to the parent later, Whitney Raglin Bignall , associate clinical director of On Our Sleeves, explained to HuffPost.

Instead, Raglin Bignall suggested Try first and if it doesnt work we can talk it through. This lets the child know you believe in them but are there to offer support when needed.

3. Good job!

Many of us grew up regulating our behavior to elicit this kind of praise from adults. But this vague commendation isnt specific enough for kids to really benefit. It gives little insight into what they are doing well, Jackson said.

When theyre doing something right, be specific so theyll know which behaviors to repeat in the future. You could say something like, I see you picking up the blocks and putting them in the bins, thank you for helping us keep this space clean or Good job throwing that away.

4. I want you to be good.

Many of us have memories of being sternly told that wed better be on our best behavior before entering someones home, or in other situations. But, again, this instruction isnt specific enough to be helpful to kids. They lack experience and wont always know what good behavior looks like in a given situation.

Instead, tell the child exactly what you need them to do: I need you to stay next to the cart and only touch the food we are going to buy.

5. Calm down.

It can feel like the most obvious instruction to give a shrieking child, but it simply doesnt work. No one has ever calmed down by being told to do so, Jackson said.

Children need to know it is okay to have big feelings and be taught ways to self-regulate. Telling them to calm down, stop crying or get over it is assuming they can or know how to, she continued.

A hug, a few deep breaths together or redirection may help kids regulate when they are having intense feelings. You may also find that your own calm, continued presence is enough to help them.

6. Its not a big deal.

While an issue may seem trivial to us, that doesnt mean it feels trivial to our child. These statements often invalidate the childs feelings, Raglin Bignall said.

It can lead to them feeling dismissed or believing their feelings are not valued. It also may cause a child to second guess themselves and the validity of their feelings/experience, Jackson said.

Instead, try an open-ended question such as, This seems really important to you tell me why youre upset, Raglin Bignall suggested.